Monday, February 9, 2009

Settle the Dust...Time's A 'Wastin'

Time is getting away from me lately....

Family issues aside (long talk tonight with 10 y/o about his behavior recently as well as a strict punishment for a few things we found out about today from his teacher), I'm ready to put my head BACK into my revisions. I've had about all the "reality" I can take in one heaping serving the past week. I need some fantasy and I need it now! LOL

Tomorrow I put my writer's hat back on.

It's been almost a week and I've done nothing. It's driving me batty. I enjoy time away from writing, but by tonight I feel like I might suffocate if I don't get some work done soon. That feeling of not being able to breath and a sigh of melancholy to fight back tears. Gosh I miss it!

It's nearly too late to open a file tonight. Today drained me emotionally and I stayed busy washing load after load of laundry... I feel zapped.

But tomorrow- no more running in one place or chasing my tail worrying about things that I can't fix. No, tomorrow will be about getting back in the game and ready to dive in with all intents and purposes.

I've been thinking a lot about query letters and synopsises since reading Devon Matthews' blog about them. I know I need to be thinking about writing the ones for each of my novels, on top of my revisions. I love butterflies, but right now they are spinning a vortex of turbulent nausea in my gut just thinking about writing them. I'm not sure the writing them part is what freaks me out so much as the idea of sealing the envelope and mailing them out for submissions.

{Clutches chest and takes deep cleansing breath before exhaling.}

Are those tears in my eyes? Anxiety in my heart? Sweaty palms? Excitement mixed with apprehension?

I feel like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff, looking out at a huge canyon of possibilities and I'm afraid to free-fall into it even though I know I'm going to have to eventually, though the sooner the better. Sure I'm liable to bounce off the rough, jagged cliffside a few times and I hope my parachute of friendship, family and support will work when I pull the ripcord, because I HAVE to get down there- land on my feet and follow the rest of the path that's led me this far. I know that path is down there. It's where I have to go to get to my destination, but Lord help me, it's scary.

The journey so far has been fabulous. I've grown with leaps and bounds over the past 2 1/2 years, learning so much about myself and what I'm capable of, but I guess I hadn't really contemplated the moment I'd have to take that leap of faith.

It's coming- I feel it.

It's getting closer and when it gets here, I have to answer the call of it.

The dust is settling and time's a'wastin'. I've got to get busy!

Have a good evening everyone and here's to a great day fill with lots of writing and revisions and fingers flying swiftly over the keys!



Magdalena Scott said...

Taryn, I'm so sorry about the problems the kids are having on the bus. I know that sort of thing takes a lot out of a mom.

So glad you are able to set it aside for a few hours and work on your writing. I can sense your excitement! Have a great day!

Unknown said...

Thanks Magdalena. The bus was only the half of it! LOL

I'm about to turn off the TV, get my Gazelle out, crank up some music and do my two miles first off. (won't take but about 20 minutes)

After that I'm going to shower and get my butt back in this chair and get to work.

Hope you have a great day, too!

Devon Matthews said...

Taryn, my heart welled when I read your post. Not only for your unsettled emotions re: the family right now, but most of all because of your description of the breathless kind of fear about sending your work out in the world. You described it so well. But please remember, you are not alone.

Unknown said...

Thank you, Devon!

I have so many wonderful family and friends who rally behind me. It is a lonesome journey while writing- so solitary, but when I look around me- I see so much support and encouragement from everyone.