Sunday, March 28, 2010


It's happening again...

The voices.

No, I'm not paranoid or schizophrenic...It's just the voices of characters crawling out of the woodwork and milling around in my head...

I kid you not.

This isn't the first time and probably won't be the last. The biggest difference is that I'm hearing male characters introducing themselves instead of my heroines.

The other night I heard a couple of names, but now they are only mist- I can't capture them, but I got the distinct impression they are part of new stories my psyche is attempting to introduce me to. As if I don't already have a dozen or more ideas buzzing around my head that I've yet to I have new fellas trying to get my attention...

Flattering, don't ya think? LOL

I even had a villain introduce himself to me yesterday. I know he's a hard ass and he isn't a great guy, but that's all he gave me at the moment. Just a name and a general idea of who he is, but not where he is, or what he does for a living...I did a "bing" search of the name and found no one with that name specifically, but I did find a man with that first name working for a construction company with the last name and wonder if perhaps construction should be his line of business.

I know bits and pieces about construction father is one and I could ask him questions about the business if this character "grows" into something massive...but then, I couldn't have him be the business mogul over a construction company by that I guess I'll have to wait it out and see...

As of right now, he's just a dusty little particle floating in the ether around me, waiting for me to figure out where he belongs. And the same could be said for the mystery men who introduced themselves the other night as I was just about to doze off. Wish I could remember what their names were and what glimpses I got from them of ideas. It's still there in the back of my mind I'm sure, just a matter of finding the right net to catch those fleeting butterflies.

I do believe the inspiration that has been hibernating within me is awakening again. My dreams in recent weeks have been far more vivid than usual and far more absurd. I dreamed of Ewan McGregor playing in a movie where he was a plain man in prison for a crime he didn't commit, but he was in there with infamous criminals and villains like Adolph Hitler and Al Capone.

I know what you're thinking— This chick's CRAZY!— but I never said it made sense! LOL

Last night the most significant thing I remember from my dream was that I was pregnant and telling someone that I couldn't lose my weight until after I had the baby in December. {scrunched eyebrows}

Now- I'm not pregnant and I don't plan to be, but in dreams, pregnancy doesn't always mean it in the literal sense.

Sometimes it means you are "pregnant" or heavy with new ideas that are about to be "born" or are growing within you.

Now that actually makes sense to me with how vivid my dreams have been lately and all the voices that are emerging and wanting to talk to me. The month I'm not sure about, but I do feel like I've got a lot of "unknowns" swirling within me- roiling and bubbling there- things I haven't yet gotten a grasp on, but I will...perhaps by the end of the year...

Now that's a thought...

Hey voices! Keep talking!

Hope everyone has a great start to their week...March has nearly marched itself right on out of here.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Walking, Talking Contradiction

I feel like an enigma to myself sometimes.

I try not to be skeptical in regard to love and romance. I mean, really...if I didn't believe in it, I wouldn't write it, but there are times when I wonder how much of it is a great lost art and find myself scoffing at the cheesiness of movies and stories that I would normally love and need a box of tissues for. It makes me question why I'm straddling the fence between being a hopeless romantic and a cold-hearted cynic.

It's then I start to wonder when I lost my touch. I used to have it...I would swear to it! I used to know how to flirt and get a response. It was second nature- not that I was some sort of seductress or anything...but I had my fair share of men who were attracted to me in my youth.

So what happened???

It bewilders me how I can describe the perfect kiss, the pulse pounding first flirtation, the soul binding connection of a love scene, but when I try to flirt with my husband, it falls flat and isn't taken seriously.

Of course, that could be because I am confusing fantasy and reality—Youthful ignorant bliss with the sober naked truth about relationships between men and women. I'm feeling a bit jaded today.

I'd like to strip away the delusions and find the purity and beauty of love again, for I fear I've lost it somewhere beneath the layers of motherhood, of being a "spouse" more than a lover, and the simple complexities of living life day to day without giving any real thought or meditation to really LIVING and FEELING.

I live in this void- caught somewhere between this paradox of ambiguity....Accepting that I feel nothing most of the time but a sense of responsibility to everyone around me but myself.

When life slows down momentarily and I find pause to really contemplate where I am, who I am, and what I'm doing with my life, I find myself wishing I could feel the way I have before- in the past.

I wish to feel the freedom and wild abandon I once did when I loved without reservation- when I loved with all my heart without question. When a flirty touch of the hand or a quirky smile could set my pulse racing and looking into the eyes of the man I loved could nearly pound my heart right out of my chest because we belonged to each other and we both KNEW it without a shadow of a doubt. It was destiny- fate....

The soft pressure of his lips on mine could send a quake through me—a quickening—and when his hand rested over my left breast at the very same moment he looked deep into my eyes, I knew he could feel my heart beating in time with his, forever beautiful, forever bound to one another. It was hard to separate where one of us ended and the other began, but I lost that somewhere.

I believe in love- I really do- I believe in the happily-ever-after kind and I believe in soul-mates, but I also know that losing your soul-mate destroys a part of you and it screws up your ability to believe in those happily-ever-afters. Maybe that's why I find myself mocking true love and romance so often. Maybe that's why I sometimes struggle so hard when I'm writing because I'm not sure I believe it anymore and I don't understand why I bother to write about it because it feels like ancient mythology to me. Maybe that's why I lost my mojo- my touch.

So now—when my husband doesn't take me serious when I flirt with him, I feel like the brunt of a really bad joke. I want to feel needed—wanted—accepted and desired. I want to feel that ethereal glow and the beauty of a deep abiding connection again, but instead I get teased.

Nothing hurts an already damaged heart more than being scoffed and poked at. Or worse yet- disregarded as silly foolishness...especially by the one who is supposed to guard and protect that heart forevermore, who's supposed to understand that human touch and interaction is a necessity for the heart to carry on. Maybe it's neediness—desperation—but it matters.

It really does...even to a walking, talking contradiction....

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Shades of Blue, Shades of Me....

I tend to paint my nails blue— A lot.

I'm not a major girly-girl even though I love to read and write romance. I love sappy chick flicks, but I hate dresses and don't normally wear them or high heels unless I absolutely have to. I honestly can't remember the last time I wore a dress unless it was part of a costume and the closest I come to anything girly on my feet are strappy leather sandals in the summer.

I do wear make-up, but I'm not a huge jewelry buff. I wear earrings and my wedding ring set, but otherwise, I'm really a plain Jane-T-shirt & jeans kinda gal, though I have been known to wear a bead bracelet from time to time or mini metallic butterfly clips in my hair when I'm feeling free-spirited and bohemian.

So that's where nail polish comes into play. It's my one girly outlet when it comes to health and beauty.

I LOVE nail polish—in all shades~ pinks, reds, silvers, purples, greens, but most of all in shades of blue. I generally stick the most with dark metallic or iridescent blues that most would describe as "midnight" or as the case may be with the shade I'm wearing today- it's an "All Night Long" blue (quite similar to the shade pictured)

I didn't realize just what a big part blue plays in my life and my stories until I was swiping my nails down with the polish this morning. Several of my heroines have blue eyes...I'm sure that partly comes from the fact that I have blue eyes and because once upon a time, I was told I had the most amazing baby blues by the love of my life. But I digress....

Blue is most definitely a comfort for me but I can't seem to pinpoint why that is exactly. I love pale blue skies in the spring, blue butterflies, flowers, blue lights at Christmas. There's something serene about the color blue, the clarity, the intuitive spiritual nature of it.

And then it dawned on me. My heroine in my current WIP is earthy and artsy and she wears a thin blue braid in her red hair. There's significance in that, but to mention it would be to give away too much of the story, too much of her character. But there's a reason for it and it's something she draws comfort from.

I guess what they say is true of writers...we tend to weave bits of ourselves into our characters- sometimes not even realizing we do it until much later, if at all. When I write I weave shades of blue into the fibers of each story and in doing so, I weave in shades of me.....

Monday, March 22, 2010

What a Character!

Bless her heart, my heroine tried to fill me in on what is supposed to happen next in her story—just as I was dozing off last night.

She pointed out a few directions things could go, but all I could do was nod in agreement and tell her I'll take care of it as soon as I'm able. She wanted to chat me up though, offering suggestions and ideas and made it hard for me to go to sleep.

I really do want to get back to writing. Since I've been sick, I feel like I'm completely out of it. I hate being sick with a passion because when you get sick like this, it feels like you're NEVER going to get over it.

My husband's health is also in question at the moment, as well. He left work Friday to go to the doctor because he was coughing his head off and while there, they started asking him questions in regard to his sleep, whether he snores or stops breathing in his sleep, whether he stays tired. They measured his neck and said they were concerned about sleep apnea, which could kill him if it gets worse. They gave him a shot and medicine for a bacterial infection and then sent off blood work to be tested because they're concerned also about his thyroid and the possibility of diabetes. I'm waiting on a call today from their office for the results of that.

Boy, when it rains it pours, doesn't it? Both our kids have been sick recently as well and my mother and I joked yesterday that perhaps we're getting all the illness out of the way at the beginning of the year so we'll be great the rest of 2010! LOL I can only hope that is the case! :D

I have finished up my antibiotics for the sinus infection, but I still feel a lot of pressure in my sinuses so I'm not sure it really helped clear it up. I have discovered that switching back to the over-the-counter medicine I was using for my sinuses works better than what the doctor gave me. I still have 3 more doses of the Prednisone and I'm still using the inhaler. I'm noticing a slow clearing of the congestion in my chest and throat area, but I still sound rough when I speak. I told my husband that if I could get back to sounding like "me" I'd know I'm starting to get better.

I'm working on getting laundry caught up and am thinking I might just slink off into my writing den since I haven't been there in a while, and open the current WIP and find out what my heroine was jabbering about after all.

Have a wonderful start to your week- it might not feel like it or look like it, but Spring is here!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Let Me Pull Myself Together

It's been over a week now since I first got sick.

I went to the doctor yesterday and found out that I had red irritated sinuses—infection—as well as bronchitis. It's no wonder I've been dead on my feet.

The doc gave me a 5 day treatment of antibiotics to clear up my sinus infection along with some day and night sinus pills to take instead of the OTC stuff I'd been taking. Also prescribed a 9 day Prednisone treatment for my bronchitis and an Albuterol inhaler to help open me up and help me breath because the congestion in my lungs was so bad. Just glad I went before I ended up hospitalized with pneumonia or something.

I'm in a medicated haze right now and not loving the inhaler at all. Makes me extremely jittery and edgy. I did sleep better last night than I have in about a week, even though I had to get up off and on to sip water to sooth my throat and tame the coughing. The congestion is breaking up, finally. Still feel like a mouth-breather though. Haha!

To add to the dopey haze I'm in, my characters from the current story are coming to the forefront now and wanting to be chatty. I haven't written anything in the week I've been sick and I feel bad about that cause I was at a really great place- had reached one of the climatic scenes that could make or break the relationship and then, boom- I got sick.

Suddenly my characters are not being very patient about waiting for me to get back to them. All the time I haven't been able to get them to talk to me or tell me their story in more detail when I could have and should have been writing and then I get sick and they don't want to shut up. It's almost comical, it's very ironic and ultimately annoying because I can't think straight enough to pull it together until I can pull me together.

Time to go rest before I mix up dough for dumplings to go with the chicken for supper. Here's hoping I'll be pulled together more in a few days and can get back to what I need to be doing.

Here's to good health all around for everyone as Spring begins!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Tip Me Over and Pour Me Out...

Yeah...cause I'm a little least I feel that way right now. Drip, Drip, Drip...

I've been suffering with my sinuses for nearly a week now. Got my permit renewed and haven't even been able to go out for any practice because I've been sick. Trust me- even if it weren't for all the different kinds of medication I've been taking to try to shake this, I'm still not capable of handling large machinery in this fuzzy state of mind.

I haven't even been able to write—honestly haven't cared if I do or not at the moment, because I can't get around the fog in my head to put much together. I've gone through an entire big box of tissues by myself and I'm working on box #2 as we speak. I'm finding it highly impossible to believe ONE person's head could have so much drainage- and yet just when I think I'm dried out- here I sit feeling like Niagara Falls. And Niagara Falls has run down my throat into my chest too, so there's a lot of congestion going on between head and lungs and I'm miserable!

Over the weekend I took the advice of couple of friends who recommended a neti-pot. Mind you, I'd seen Olivia try one on Attack of the Show and it didn't look good. Basically you pour saline solution from one nostril, through your sinus cavities and it comes out the other side. I don't like squirting nasal spray up my nose, but I decided anything was better than doing nothing, especially since this isn't squirting, but allowing gravity to work for me so it would be less invasive. So I bought one at Wally World.

It's nothing fancy- just a small blue plastic teapot looking thing. It came with pre-mixed packets of a PH-balanced saline solution that you mix with 8 oz of water. Okay. That's great. Next comes the fun part- pouring it through your nose!

Tip me over and pour me out- it's not just the neti-pot that has to be tipped. Tilting my head to the side but not so far that I'm tilting my head back and then holding my mouth open, breathing and cawing like a blackbird has to be the most NON-GLAMOROUS thing I've ever had to do. And yes,...I said cawing like a blackbird. The instructions say that you should make a KHA sound while you're doing this. That sure sounds like CAW to me! LOL

My 7 year old daughter came to the bathroom doorway the first time I was doing it and said, "You look SO weird doing that!" Yeah....ya think?

Mind you, for all the poking fun at the method, it does work and you can do this twice a day. Unfortunately for me, as mentioned above, the drainage doesn't seem to have an end, so just when I think I've cleared my head, it starts all over again.

To top that off, I think mine has already started to escalate into a sinus infection, so I'm not sure I should continue to do it too often till I see a doctor, cause I don't know if all the neti-pot action in the world can clear the infection without some antibiotics for backup and I'd hate to make it worse.

So, I say- Here's to the neti-pot for giving me a few moments of clarity here and there and here's to getting better very soon! Have a great rest of the week everyone!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Happy Anniversary to Me!

It has officially been 1 year since I quit smoking.

Living smoke free hasn't been terribly hard. No- not nearly has hard as I first imagined it would be before I decided to give up smoking.

I guess, for me, it was made easier by the fact that I was ready. I was sick of smoking. I didn't enjoy it anymore the way I did when I was younger. I couldn't see wasting money on it anymore and I knew it would be healthier for all of us in the house in the long run.

Mind you, the weight gain has been a massive blow to my self-confidence, but I'm working on that and today I'm not feeling so great because I've been sick with my sinuses the past 5 days. Used a neti-pot to clean my sinuses out, but I've got some chest congestion and coughing that just won't quit. LOL

It's the strangest thing I will point out here- I don't remember my sinuses being THIS bad when I was a smoker. Perhaps it was because my nasal cavity was always "clogged" up with nicotine/smoke. Maybe smoking sort of "deadened" my senses. My nasal passages are definitely more sensitive to odors and scents now and I guess that's why sinus issues seem more difficult to get through. I think I'm slowly feeling better, but after I get the kids on the bus, I think I'm going to go back to bed for a bit and get the rest I just haven't been getting lately.

Have a wonderful Monday!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

On The Road Again

I'm a slacker I guess you could say. A lot of people have given me those bizarre looks over the years because I don't have my driver's license. Truth is, I just never felt it was a necessity for me because when I lived in my hometown, I walked EVERYWHERE I needed to go and if I couldn't, I had family and friends who could get me where I needed to go.

I've thought about it- numerous times, but fear has always gotten me in this regard. I've always felt like something bad would happen if I get behind the wheel of a car. No hits my gut like a ton of brick.

In 2001 when I moved away I had my permit, but I still felt I didn't have to be in a big hurry because I lived out in the country and if I needed to go somewhere, my hubby could take me since I wasn't going to work outside the home.

When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, I let my permit expire about a month later. I was scared to drive while pregnant, so I just let it go and didn't think about it. My daughter is now 7 years old. I've had friends and family attempt to encourage me to get my permit renewed and get my license so that I would have more freedom and independence, that I would be able to be more mobile if needed for emergencies or traveling or whatever, etc.

I was so scared though. I love my family and my friends, and I know they all have good intentions, but fear strangled me and made me put it off SO many times over they years.

Then two days ago, my daughter came home from school and said she had dreamed the other night that I drove her to school and came back to pick her up. She said- "It was so weird Mommy because you don't have your driver's license."

I couldn't SLEEP that night for thinking about it. It actually kept me awake. When I got up yesterday morning, I hunted up the driver's manual I had from a few years ago when I had contemplated getting my permit once before. I checked online with the Department of Transportation to make sure it was current and then I spent ALL day refreshing my memory of the rules of the road, etc.

It didn't take much. I finished reading it just a little after lunch time and I still know most of it because a lot of it is common sense. Years ago I passed the written without missing any of the questions, so I felt confident I could do this and so- today I did.

I now have a learner's permit again. I haven't driven yet since we left the courthouse, but I now have the right to and I need to get my behind in gear and get in as much practice as I can. I can go for the driving test in a month, but I'm a bit rusty, so I might need a little bit longer, but we'll see.

This all ties back into the idea I mentioned at the end of the other blog I wrote earlier about 2010 being my year for living bravely. I have let fear scare me out of doing a LOT of things over these past several years. Some for reasons I can explain and some I can't, either because I don't know, or because it's just too personal to me.

I was thinking about it earlier today though and realized that I actually used to be somewhat brave—or braver than I am now—I used to take chances, I didn't settle for what was there but reached for a little bit more. I've settled into what's "safe" and that is NOT a comfortable place to be when you want to live your life to the fullest.

Already I feel like I'm making massive changes I wouldn't have before....getting my permit again is just one of them...just like quitting smoking was almost a year ago. For today, the permit was the biggest change I've made. That was a huge step—in and of itself. Tomorrow...we'll see what happens next.

I've got to cast off the fear that's shrouded me all these years. I want to live and breath and find my joy and happiness...if it takes me stepping COMPLETELY out of my protective shell, then I'm going to do it. I can't spread my wings if I stay in the cocoon and I think I've been hiding in it for far too long.

That's why it's time...It's simply TIME...

Rest in Peace Corey- You Will Be Missed...

This picture used to adorn my teenaged bedroom wall, along with probably 50+ other pictures of Corey Haim I'd ripped out of my teen magazines. I thought he was a slice of heaven- just the cutest actor in the biz and oh, what I wouldn't have given to have a boyfriend like him! LOL

I just heard he died this morning from an apparent accidental overdose. (this is yet to be determined by the coroner)

My heart is actually broken. I'm a 35 year old married woman, but I'm devastated to hear this news. I guess its because I always feared something like this would happen to him because of his addictions- even though I didn't want to ever believe the young Hollywood star I'd adored could ever die.

I'll be hearing "Only the Good Die Young" the rest of the day in my head, I'm afraid and do believe that I might have to pull out my old VHS tapes and go have a Corey Haim Marathon over the next several days.

It's scary really- he was only 38- 3 years older than me and his life has been cut short. It really makes me take inventory of my own life, which I've already been doing a LOT of lately- I had already been thinking that I should make 2010 a year of living without the shackles of fear- a year of living bravely- and now I'm all the more determined to make the most of this life I have. You just never know how quickly it could be gone.

Rest in Peace Corey- You will be missed...

As for the rest of us- take a moment today to do something you normally wouldn't and remind yourself that it's okay to live bravely, no matter how small a step it might be- I know I'm going to. Today- I'm going to go take the written test and get my permit again (after about 7 years without it) Will post back with results this afternoon.

I've got some big changes/challenges for myself in the works and I'll post more about it later...

Monday, March 8, 2010

78% and It's Gone

Those two things in the subject are totally unrelated. LOL

I'm 78% of the way to the end of my novel. Going to get back to it in a bit, but wanted to post a blog and just update on how things are going.

Hubby started his new job and it's exhausting him, but I think he's happier than he was at the last place he worked.

Girly-girl has strep throat over the weekend and we had to take her to the ER because I discovered the bumps and red irritation on her throat on Saturday after she started running a fever and complaining about her throat and of course the regular doctor's office was closed. She got a shot in her bum and really hated everyone for that, but she was fever free and on the bus to school this morning. Stepson is fairing well, so not much to say in that regard.

My writing has made some hops and skips this weekend. I didn't do any writing yesterday but we did have really great Italian marinated BBQ chicken on the grill and it was so good.

I also got back in touch with a very dear friend over the weekend and well, we were talking about photography and I mentioned that I wanted to go down to that old house I lived in as a kid and take pictures of it because it was part of the inspiration for an idea I have for one of my novels. He told me its been torn down. About 2 years ago. Talk about feeling devastated. In all these years and now I'll never get the chance to see the old place again, let alone get pictures of it. He told me he'd check into it and see if he couldn't find a picture or something for me, so we'll see.

Of course, not that I doubted his word for one minute, it didn't stop me from pondering whether the image of the house might be on a map online, so I googled it this morning. I found the bridge with the sign, I crossed the bridge, turned the camera angle toward the driveway and sure enough- there's some little storage looking building there- not my haunted plantation-style childhood memory.

You wanna talk about a grown woman bawling! LOL I sit here and still tear up thinking about it. I had so hoped that maybe the maps weren't up to date. One time when I used them, the images were 2 years old, so I had kept my fingers crossed, but no such luck. Oh, well. Perhaps my friend can come up with something for me at some point. We'll just have to wait and see.

So...I'm almost there but feeling a little gone today at the same time. It's strange to think I could cry over a silly place I might only have lived a few months when I was what—4—but I do and my friend understood completely. I'm actually glad I heard it from him rather than anyone else.

Hope everyone has a wonderful Monday...I'm off to type my little fingers off..

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

♪Do a Little Dance, Write a Little Bit...♫

Yeah...Today, though it didn't start out as much, turned out to be very promising for my writing I can happily say.

As most know, I've been struggling- the down-in-a-dark-hole-digging-scratching-clawing-my-way-out kind of struggle that has been strangling my ability to write and suffocating my inspiration.

After a restless night of sleep, I awoke melancholy and unmotivated. I didn't have high hopes for getting anything done today simply because I knew hubby would be home and I might not be able to concentrate because I have a hard time concentrating when my routine shifts out of the norm. (Really got to work on that....)

See, just like when my kids are home when they wouldn't normally be- hubby's either totally zoned out on his video games or movies or whatever he finds to interest him OR he wants to talk my arm and leg off.

This is generally after I've taken the hint that he's going to be off in his own little La-La-Land and I decide to go about my own business- then he's suddenly helpless and needs my full attention. I could sit around and do NOTHING all day and no one would want to talk to me or need me for anything...The moment I decide to get some work done, I'm in high demand. Funny how that works, isn't it?

So anyway...knowing I probably wouldn't have quiet time to myself today, I piddled for a while online. I kept thinking about writing, but instead I procrastinated. I knew I got just a little more than 1,000 words added to my novel yesterday. Around 10 or 10:30 AM I decided to give it a shot after all. By 11 I had already added another 1,000. Ate lunch and watched hubby play one of his video games for a little while and took a break to think over what I had added to the story. Went back to it for a while and knew I had added up to about 3,000 words total for today.

I helped girly-girl with her homework when the kids got in from school, fixed supper and when hubby and the kids started up a ruckus playing a video game here in the living room, I decided to take advantage of that. Around 6 or 6:30 I slunk back to my writing cave and wrote for about an hour or so. When I saved and closed the file just before 7:30, I had 4,125 words total for today. I'm not far from 60K and really not that far, once I get on a roll, from my goal of approximately 81K.

Hot diggety dog, that fanned the flame for sure!

See, the other day a fellow writer had posted on Facebook about adding a good big chunky word count to her WIP that day and how she didn't want to stop when she did, but she had to. I totally related because I have known that feeling numerous times when I'm deep in the writing process.

I get it when I'm psyched about what I'm writing, when I'm in the zone and have slipped "into" my wonderland—down the rabbit hole...I'm there with the characters instead of losing my concentration and wandering off elsewhere like I have no brain in my noggin. I swear sometimes I feel like a zombie when I'm not writing...wandering around...drooling and aimless...It's not pretty...not pretty at all...

So was brilliant and I'm thrilled and excited about tomorrow and how much I can get done then. In fact, I've decided that if I was able to write 50,000 words of this current novel in November during NaNoWriMo- SURELY I can write the rest of it- around 22K before March is over, eh? I think so.

I'm loosely terming this sensation, this amazing little feat—"Word Count Flares." It's like being struck by a blindingly beautiful light really...It makes me feel all warm and tingly and exhilarated when I get THIS.

It strikes unexpectedly and washes over me. I get so wrapped up in the story and characters that it's hard to come down from it, like a natural high. It makes me thirsty- drinking in the plot and the road I'm traveling while at the same time I feel like the glass...this vessel just pouring it all out through the keys.

Yeah, I'm doing a little dance tonight. Not sure how I'll get to sleep....

Night All!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Writing Cubby

Yes, this is my new writing cubby.

Just made it last night by cleaning up a little space in the corner of my bedroom where my sewing machine usually sits on the table.

Kids are gone to school—

Hubby is gone to his orientation for his new job.....

and it's finally quiet in the house.

I'm going to check a few more things online and then I'm going to slink off into my writing cave and hide for a little while and see if I can pry the lid off my inspiration.

I'll check back around lunch time (it's a few minutes after 8 AM here- so Noon-ish) and post a comment to how it goes. :D

Have a great day!

Monday, March 1, 2010


Yes. I'm starting March off with a bundle of changes. Things that will alter the daily routine around here from what I'm used to. That will mean making changes to how I will work my "schedule" I had planned to incorporate for myself to become more productive with my writing and life in general.

First off, Hubby is making a job change again. He started his most current job in October of last year (09) after he found out the place he had been working as a warehouse manager for 6 years would be closing their doors. He made the job change swiftly because he was concerned about our financial security. Well, needless to say, this new job- all 4 months of it, was hell for him. He had taken a cut in pay to make sure we would still have income, but that also meant he took a lower positioned job as a fork truck driver at a pallet rebuilding company. Maybe it wasn't a bad job- but pay was every two weeks and far less than what we had before. Once they added the insurance to what would come out of his checks, that was going to knock an even bigger dent in our single income.

Because of his prior years of experience as a supervisor and manager, his boss encouraged him to interview for the 1st shift supervisor position when it came open a month or so ago. Unfortunately, his boss KNEW he didn't meet the requirements, but proceeded to allow him to interview with corporate, only for my husband to find out that—no matter how good his resume as a supervisor, they couldn't offer him the position UNLESS he has a college degree, which he doesn't. The corporate head said it was policy and that it's because they feel someone who's been to college is better prepared and capable of handling the stress when things don't go exactly as planned and they're down to the wire. Whatever....

It was after he was turned down for that supervisor position that he told his boss he couldn't stay at this low pay for much longer because he has a family who depends on him and he still has resumes out there and if something better comes along, he would HAVE to take it for us. His boss didn't take it serious I suppose and then seemed surprised and ticked off when my husband went to work one day and told him he had an interview AFTER work.

The guy stayed on him all day over stupid stuff and then tried to keep him over doing a job that wasn't even part of his responsibility. I'm no ninny and I can guarantee you the guy was trying to purposely make my husband miss his interview so he wouldn't be able to leave them.

After that, it seemed the boss stayed on hubby's butt for all kinds of minor things every day in the week or two that followed. One day when he got ALL his work done and was going to help out the other fork truck drivers, his boss told him no and put him on "cigarette butt duty"- picking them up in the parking lot, even though he doesn't even smoke.

Of course, Hubby kept getting interview call backs for this other job. and last week, when things were starting to fall into place was when hubby got dust, detergent, debris in his eye at work and had to go see their doctor. They had him flush out his eye at work a couple of times, but told him he would be fine. He told them he was going to the doctor after work, whether it was their doctor or ours because he was in serious pain. As it turned out he had a scratch on his eye, but when the eye drops their doctor prescribed didn't help, the doctor sent him to an eye specialist who flushed his eyes out and said his tear ducts were all clogged up with all kinds of debris- probably from the few months he's been working there and only using safety glasses that do NOTHING to prevent dust from flying around the lens and getting in your eyes.

After he had his 2nd interview, did his background check, drug test and physical, his boss- though he had seen this coming for almost 2 weeks got mad and told him one day he needed to find out exactly WHEN he'd be leaving because he wasn't going to leave them high and dry. He got on the ball and got that figured out. He was going to work today, Wednesday and Thursday there to give them a little time to find his replacement- meanwhile Tuesday he has orientation at the new job and then starts his first official day on Friday. Of course, last Friday ended up being his last day, so he's home today and will be Wednesday and Thursday this week.

See, here's where the new job creates the biggest change. The new place has odd shifts and his is going to be Monday & Tuesday and then Friday and Saturday working 5 AM- 3:30 PM. That means middle of the week he'll be home with me except when he has to work overtime or chooses to. I'm a Monday-Friday- If I plan to get things done, I do better when the kids are at school and he's at work. That's going to be different when he'll be underfoot in the middle of the week and all the better that I got my laptop because now I can go elsewhere in the house if I can't seem to concentrate because he's got his video games blaring or the television, etc.

As I said- Big changes are upon us and I'm going to spend the next couple of weeks attempting to find a new kind of balance for my days. Perhaps my mom was right- I need to figure out how to set up a "workspace" in my bedroom- set up a makeshift office so that when I go in there, I have something conducive to writing.

Off to start figuring things out. Have a great 1st day of March!