Tuesday, December 29, 2009

End of a Decade, Beginning of Something New

It wasn't until the other day that I realized we are at the end of a decade. 2010 marks the beginning of a new decade...at least that's MY understanding of how decades are divvied up- from 1980-1989, 1990-1999, 2000-2009, 2010-2019, etc.

I just can't fathom that we're already a decade into the new century. It seems only yesterday people were screaming Y2K and panicking that their computers were going to go all wonky and the world was going to collapse around our ears. LOL

10 years ago I wouldn't have dared dream of ordering anything online...in fact, I had very little knowledge of a computer myself back then and thought that eBay was the only way to "shop" online and even then you had to follow the rules of winning auctions, etc. LOL Now you can pretty much do ANY kind of shopping online and books are even in e-book format, something that was foreign and unheard of in my little corner of the world back then. Mind you, I still don't do eBay and I'm not a big reader of e-books, but boy I do buy the heck out of books on Amazon! LOL

But then, ten years ago, I was single and living it up and working at a grocery store and hanging out with my friends. I was recovering from a broken engagement and a broken heart- which wasn't so broken after all now that I look back on it- the heart, not the engagement. It was best buried and left back there in its grave.

And as the small world around me went into widespread panic, I just coasted along and laughed because I didn't think Y2K would be more than a hiccup over into the 2000's, perhaps a burp at best. LOL

Of course, looking back, I hadn't done much in the way of my writing either, so I've come a long way. I had never finished anything but poetry and song lyrics (which I'll NEVER sing). Novel-wise, I had the beginnings of a single novel, one that was close at heart, but not close to being finished.

10 years has changed a lot in some respects. I met someone, moved away, married, had a baby, and have written 9- nearly 10, complete manuscripts, though that doesn't mean they are anywhere near being presentable. I'm ten years older and though some say I'm not the same, I still feel like that younger girl inside. At the core, I'm still ME. I sometimes think that time- years- decades- change a lot about people outwardly, but inside we're all still youthful, hopeful believers in fairytales and happily ever afters and though this past year has been a rough one in regard to my writing and I'm not feeling very confident in myself because of it, I am determined to start the new decade off getting back on my game. It's not so much a resolution, but a HAVE-TO for me. I'm not sure I can go another year NOT writing the way I spent this past year dawdling and piddling about with it and not accomplishing anything.

Maybe I was drained of inspiration. Some might say I was clogged up or blocked, but I think I just steamrolled myself into believing I wasn't good enough to be a writer again and I let it rule me this year. I won't stand for that in the coming year. I can't. I spent almost 3 years writing till my fingers ached, but during that time, my heart was soaring on wings of joy and blindly believing in myself in a way I have NEVER believed in myself before.

I've just spent a year without that delicious, delirious happiness flowing through me and out of me into my stories and characters and I realize it's not something I want to live without any longer. The true writer within is screaming and clawing her way past the doubt and self-imposed miserable abyss she fell into.

I know big changes are around the corner for me. I don't know for sure what all that entails, but I know change is coming again. It came the year that I finished my first novel and began the journey into writing with serious determination and it's circling back around again. The breeze is building and I feel it flowing beneath those wings again, ready to lift me out, ready to toss me high into the sky so I can spread out, high enough that I can catch the wind and flow with it instead of fighting against it.

It's a new decade and a new time- a new sun rising over the next chapter of my life and that means, I am going to try to wrap myself in words again- find that voice I miss so much, hear the stories, hear my characters and remember what I've forgotten for it seems I lost myself somewhere over the past year and it's time to find her again. I also am determined to find more time to start blogging again, so please check in with me ever so often. Poke me or nudge me if I grow quiet again, make me talk. Please.

To a wonderful New Year and a new Decade full of wonder and adventure!