Sunday, June 6, 2010

Forever After

We took the kids to see Shrek Forever After yesterday and even though I haven't been feeling very sentimental in recent days...hadn't been feeling much of anything if I'm honest with myself, I found myself tearing up as soon as the movie started.

I've had a deep and abiding love of the Shrek plot since the first movie when I realized halfway through it she was meant to be an ogre princess, not a human one. The idea hadn't been done before, that I was aware of, and it endeared Shrek and Fiona in my heart forevermore.

And it's probably the reason I'm such a sentimental old fool that I can't sit through a single Shrek movie without blubbering like an idiot, crying my eyes out. And it isn't just their story- but the secondary characters who can bring me to tears as well- I love Donkey and Puss in Boots. His big eyes makes my heart ache he's just so adorable! LOL

I won't give things away for anyone who hasn't seen the new Shrek Forever After, but I will say that I loved it, but that's just me and I was feeling extremely sentimental when we went to see it. It's an obvious twist on It's a Wonderful Life- albeit an ogre's life. LOL

By the time the credits rolled I was red-eyed and puffy and felt like a buffoon. There are so many times I find myself wondering why I believe in fairy tales anymore, why I write romance, why I believe true love wins out in the end and that there's someone out there meant for each of us. I still grapple with doubts and concerns about finding and losing love- especially losing "the one."

I believe there is someone out there who is bound to me in a way no one else is- regardless of time, distance or the circumstances that separate us. Sometimes it feels like it gets us no where to believe in the sentimental fluff of fairy tales because it's just romanticized fiction~ it burns away when the light of reality shines on it...

And yet, I still believe, even if it's only the tiniest grain of hope buried deep in my heart. I do believe I'm connected to someone else in this world in a way that's almost magical. It's a cosmic bond, surreal and unfathomable, but as real as anything else that can be seen with the naked eye or touched with the hand. It's geniune, unending love in its purest form.

That gets me to thinking of this book I have read repeatedly and an idea about love that truly speaks to me. It's a YA novel by Bruce and Carole Hart called "Strut" that I have loved since I was so much younger than I am now (partly because of the main character- Holly Hanna is 17, redheaded and she wanted to be a rockstar.) All the women in her family have had paranormal experiences and well, her dream is helped along by the sudden appearance of the ghost of a rockstar named Jasper Rollins, who died in the 60's. He and Holly determine he has "unfinished" business on this earth and he's certain his unfinished business is to help Holly become a rockstar because his career was cut short by his untimely death.

The thing that got me was what her aunt tells her about the women in their family and ghosts with unfinished business and the belief that every soul has a destiny- to love and be loved, to know the sorrow of a love that isn't meant to be and the joy of a love that's returned in kind.

That "theory" has stuck with me for years and it helps to think of it when the idea of real, honest happiness and love seems to slip through the fabric of my understanding.

Thank you Shrek and Fiona- for reminding me yesterday of the thing I so often forget....when it all boils down to it, it's always about love- love of the forever after kind.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Round-Up for the Weeds of Doubt

Indeed it seems my posts are getting fewer and farther between these days. I can't concentrate and I don't really have anything to say in regard to my writing or the craft of writing. I guess that's why I don't post much- don't want to bore anyone to tears with my whining and complaints like some little old lady complaining about all my aches and pains. LOL

In the past few weeks I've lost desire to work on writing, edits, critiques and its spilling over into driving and other areas of my life, etc. I'm not feeling like my normally chipper self...but instead feel lackadaisical and lost- it's nearly the end of the school year for my kids so distractions abound and hubby's new job schedule has altered our routines here at home, too. Just seems there have been a lot of changes so far this year and the only purpose it serves is to throw me completely off-kilter.

So where's the motivation? Where's my muse and my inspiration to accomplish whatever I put my mind to?

I guess some of it goes back to a realization I need to do an overhaul on one of my novels and I also turned my attention to another one for a different purpose. Add to that, I honestly can't remember the last time I went driving. Grown woman that I am, I will sadly admit that it's been so long (at least 2-3 weeks) I'm a bit nervous about getting behind the wheel again. Same old fears have started niggling in the back of my mind and have me choking at the idea of getting in the driver's seat.

I also find I'm mentally cutting "me" down a lot recently.. It's not intentional, but I find myself wondering why I bother, why I do what I do. Probably why I have a lack of motivation...I doubt myself and those seeds~ once planted~ have sprouted into nasty weeds that are twisted and mangled around all hope and belief in myself, strangling out all that's good and right around me and attempting a hostile takeover.

I know it's a downward spiral and I need to shake it off rather than wallow in it, so its time to pull out the weedeater and nip it in the bud...That, or find some Round-Up to kill the weeds of doubt at their roots because I'm tired of feeling this way.