Saturday, March 15, 2008

Downhill Slide

Yesterday was not such a good day, but then neither was today. Hubby took off yesterday and then, of course, he was off today since it's the weekend. My daughter has been viciously clingy and our broadband was screwed up yesterday, so my hubby spent a lot of time on the phone and the computer trying to figure out what was up with it because we couldn't access the internet at all.

I lost all desire to write. I noted on my tag here, that this was actually my current from the 14th. For today, I have written NOTHING.

I'm frustrated. I want to pull my hair out because I feel distanced from my novel, distanced from where I was within it. At one point I probably could've painted a picture of the scenery, but now I'm far removed...or at least it feels that way.

Family issues call to me. Two major illnesses have cropped up with one of my uncles and one of my aunts. I'm worrying about them and simply praying for their recovery during this time.

Time is never what it seems and today I felt lost afloat in a sea of discontentment where my writing is concerned. Too many things were pulling me away from the computer and my writing. I hit a "why bother" moment. Why bother writing? Why bother continuing with this silly dream?Why not have a good cry? LOL

My five-year-old was like a leech, clinging and wallowing me to death and I told her I just wanted to be left alone to cry. She of course, tells me "But I just want to love on you mommy. Don't cry. You will get your books written and get published. You can do it." {shaking head} Oh, the optimism from one so young! Hahaha!

Since I knew I couldn't get myself back into my novel, I took a nap after lunch and by the time I woke up it was supper time. I talked to my sister again on the phone and we had a good laugh about silly things that happen in life.

I'm feeling a little more optimistic now and hope to get some writing done tonight. So, here goes. Hope everyone had a wonderful Saturday.


Devon Matthews said...

Oh, Taryn. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You do great, and you'll get back into your story. You've just got things pulling you off in other directions right now. Don't let those doubts creep up on you. After all these years, I still have them all the time. When I get down in the dumps, I wonder why I'm wasting my time, beating my head against a wall, etc. chasing this writing dream. But I do keep chasing it because if I give it up, what will I have for myself that is mine and only mine? Are you expecting too much of yourself? You've already accomplished something most people who dream of writing never do--you've finished not just one complete story, but FIVE. That's incredible, and most people who say they would love to write a book never actually do it.

This will sound strange, but I'm going to say it anyway. We reach a point where we don't want to go it alone anymore, and that's when we start looking for others like us. Other writers. I did it. You've done it. But being exposed to other writers sometimes is more disheartening than going it all alone. Some days I can't stand to read the loop messages. It puts me on edge for some reason and I feel like I need to get away from the group. I feel I have nothing in common with them. But it always passes. I really can't explain it. But I hope that's not what you're feeling. I'm very familiar with the edginess and just wanting to cry and not try anymore. But it passes. I hope this makes some sense. I'm always here if you need to spout off about anything. And when you need to be left alone, just do it and don't worry about it. Everything will still be here when you feel better about it. :o)

Taryn Raye said...

Thanks Devon!

I didn't get anything written last night like I had hoped to. I woke up in the middle of the night, my hubby was snoring like crazy and I thought about getting up to write, but my body said no! LOL

I don't think mine is so much the loop, but just so many things pulling me in all different directions right now.