Saturday, January 3, 2015
I don't want to get into the nitty gritty of my personal life, but I will say that, my alter ego had to make decisions for herself to find her way and that meant I had to take a step back and let her do what needed to be done. It doesn't mean that I don't bug the hell out of her about why we're not writing though, or editing, or revising, or publishing. I'm pretty sure she thinks about it every single day, how little time she has to concentrate on that thing we love- the words, the stories, the happily ever afters.
Last summer I moved back to my hometown with my daughter. It's been a rough road, indeed, seeking work outside the home after nearly 13 years of being a stay at home mom and writer. Seeking a home for myself and my daughter and striking out on my own has offered me a lot of things: a redefined view of who I am as a woman, a mother, a person. I think I got lost somewhere along the way, but as that little quote up top states, sometimes a different path, doesn't mean you're lost. It means you are finding your own way, your own destination, even if that means the road is more difficult, challenging, complicated. And it has been, but sometimes life needs to be shook up. Unhappiness can make us the sickest we've ever been and stagnation kills.
So no bowl of cherries by any means. There has been battles of wills with my daughter, the loss of friendships, the difficulty of finding balance in a time of great changes, but at the same time, I wouldn't go back and alter my decision. I am happier, even with the amount of differences I now face, I don't feel stagnant anymore... I feel alive and useful, for the most part. There are plenty of days that I'm so dog-dead tired that I don't know if I have the strength to keep going, but I do. I somehow manage these things and I feel productive again.
And having said that, I also feel myself finding my place, finding my ability to balance and finding my way back to a place where I can also fit my dream back into my reality. Life changes, but sometimes that is for the best, for we find out who we truly are and how to dig our strength up from deep inside and use it toward making our lives more fulfilling and happy. I am coming back to my writing, so I hope if you happen to see this post, please keep a lookout for me, keep me in your thoughts and prayers that I find that balance, that joy, and that I find enough hours in the day to make all my dreams a reality.
Happy New Year friends! I hope to see a lot more of you all in this coming year!