Tuesdays with Taryn~ Sometimes Happily Ever After Happens, AFTER... #TheEx #Life #History

The scariest thing for me in attending my class reunion was the possibility of facing my past. Not high school past, but my early twenties past, or more specifically someone from that time in my life.

I think I finally stopped holding my breath when I realized my ex-fiance wasn't coming. We met up a couple years after our class's graduation, when he started working at the assembly factory where I worked in pad printing. The irony was that he didn't remember me from school~at all~ but he seemed to have it bad for me from the moment we met and even once told me that he went home after that first day at work, lay in his bed and thought to himself, "That's the woman I'm going to marry someday." In fact, I believe he'd told his dad that.

Honestly, I'm not sure if anyone we went to school with even knew we had a relationship but for a fair few who also worked at the same place or those we occasionally ran into when we were out and about. We dated from 1995-1999, off and on, and we were engaged 3 times during those on again off again years.

His encouragement, along with his mom's, was the reason I went for my GED. They were my cheerleaders urging me to accomplish that goal for myself, especially when I had gone for the pre-test the year before but was told I needed to study before I could go for testing. I'd let it go because I had work and other things going on in my life that took precedence, but a return trip to the GED office revealed that my pre-test scores were so high, I could have gone for the test the first time around, so the woman I spoke with set me up for the upcoming tests. He was the one who took me to Frankfort and sat in the car for hours those weekends I had to go for testing.

It was a roller-coaster relationship that had a lot of good times, but also a lot of very sad, hard times that hurt us both on so many levels, I know. I was his "Pretty Eyes" and I felt loved for the majority of that relationship. Even when I didn't know if I loved him anymore and had broken up with him, he was there for me, trumping through 2 foot of snow, across town to get me a birthday present and bring it to me. We had fun together but I know I was also a lot younger and I'm sure I made life a living hell sometimes when I got moody or irritable. He tried to put up with me, even when I was the grumpiest grump grump under the sun. By the end, I sometimes think that he hated me though...after all we put each other through.

Our official, FINAL "ending" was a new beginning for both of us. He married someone else within a year of breaking things off with me, leaving me feeling a bit like Ally McBeal- Do you remember that moment when she realized that the reason her and Billy's relationship ended wasn't because he didn't want to get married, it was just that he didn't want to marry her?

That's how I felt....It shouldn't have hurt so badly after a year, but it came as a bit of a shock to realize that we'd spent years going back and forth over when we'd get married and then he married this other woman after he'd only been with her a year. Seeing him come through my line at the grocery store was hell too- seeing that wedding band on his finger- and still thinking in that deepest part of my heart that he was supposed to be mine for the rest of our lives. He had promised me his love forever and vowed that nothing anyone said would EVER change how he felt about me.

Where was our happily ever after? It was clear then, that any inkling of love he'd once held for me was gone or buried, when he wouldn't or couldn't even take off his sunglasses in the store and look me in the eye when he came through my line, which he did quite often in the afternoons. And every time he left, one of my fellow co-workers would give me a break from the register so I could go to the back storeroom and cry.

I was damaged for a while after that, emotionally, left with questions about who I was as a person if I wasn't with him? What my worth was, if I couldn't be what he wanted and needed? And how had it all ended so badly? I wasn't sure I was worthy of being loved by anyone after that, much as I wanted to be loved, I always felt lacking. My best wasn't good enough. Not for him and probably not for anyone else.

He had been supportive of my dream to become a writer and I was doing a writing workshop as our relationship began to implode upon itself. I had believed I was on the path I was meant to be on in my journey to becoming a published author, but then he pulled the rug out from under me, when other people started questioning him about how we'd survive if we got married when I was such a dreamer, chasing that unicorn I might never catch and filling his head with doubts and fears. There was no way to survive on just his income and he couldn't "love me" if I didn't have a real job...

That revelation shook the very foundation of my idea of "unconditional" true love that was supposed to last forever into that Happily Ever After. Once our relationship ended, I also stopped writing.

What did I know about writing romance? Love stories? How could I write about love, when I didn't know it & didn't have it? I stopped caring about my writing and I put it away for a very long time....

But, it was one of those awkward moments you read about but luckily the pain and embarrassment was averted. Maybe he didn't know about the reunion. Maybe he just had no interesting in coming. Maybe he knew I was going to be there and was hoping to avoid me. Who's to say? I don't think it would bother me to have run into him after all these years have passed, it just might have been weird, more than anything.

But the thing is, I'm older now and I found my joy again in writing and I try very hard not to let anyone else steal it from me anymore. I know who I am and I'm still finding my place- it's down a long and winding road, out past the fear and self-doubt and insecurities that I carried away from that time in my life. And I'm proof that you can chase that dream and catch that unicorn....its a shame he allowed others to make him doubt me...

That ending was my new beginning...as I began again a few times, which I think we all do throughout our lives...always moving, always changing, reinventing, and always adjusting to what Life throws our way. Sometimes that Happily Ever After happens, AFTER.

It's a #MemoryLane Monday- Where did 20 Years Go? #classreunion #classmates #Life

When I dropped out my freshman year of high school after my grandfather's unexpected and untimely passing, which I once talked about here on the blog, I didn't give much thought to the idea of ever participating in anything related to my old classmates unless I happened to meet up with them as co-workers at any number of the various places I worked in my young adulthood.

I think I went to one Homecoming football game, a chorus concert and my Class's graduation and the "after-party"- a lock-in known as Project Grad. I never attended dances or school functions in the capacity that a student would have. I stayed friends with a few of my closest pals, but being a high school drop-out at 15 left me feeling as though I vanished from the world. Or at least, my world, as I knew it. Had things been different, I have no doubt I would have graduated with my fellow classmates, but I followed the alternate path upon which my feet, or my Fate, had led me.

A lot of things happen in 20 years and the last thing I thought I'd be doing was attending the Class of '93 Reunion a couple of weekends ago in my hometown. I didn't graduate with them, but when other former classmates and friends on FB included me in the suggested people to add to a Group on there and made demands like "You better be there!"~ I was surprised but also a tiny bit tickled to be included. (I took my GED test in 1996 and passed with flying colors, placing me in the graduating "class of '97.")

Nevertheless, nerves wreaked havoc as the reunion drew closer. Would anyone else remember me besides the few I knew on Facebook? That 15 year old inside me who dropped out shuddered with anxiety before we headed out to go to the meeting place where the reunion was being held. My 38 year old self was fine, excited even, to get to visit with old familiar faces.

As one of my fellow classmates said during the toast- there's probably been points where we've thought, "Wow, has it really been 20 years?" and then other moments where we're like "Wow...20 years seems like forever ago."

My nerves were also on edge, watching the door, wondering who all would actually show up and who wouldn't. Cause, yeah, in 20 years we accumulate and let go of so many things, so many people come and go and we've already lost a few of our classmates and sometimes I see something that reminds me of a certain person and I wonder about them, only to realize that they are no longer in the land of the living. It was a bittersweet moment when we were gathered, about to raise our glasses in honor of our class, our friendships, those who weren't able to come and those who are gone. It made me misty.

We weren't close to filling out the entire graduating class that night, but those of us who showed up seemed to find enjoyment in getting to sit and chat and laugh and cut up. For me it was all the more surreal as most of my memories of my friends and fellow classmates were from elementary school and middle school rather than high school, but I had fun just the same and I recognized most everyone too, other than a couple of people and spouses of my classmates.

I know my husband brought me because it was important to me, but I'm fairly sure he was just along for the ride and moral support. His 20 year reunion was held the weekend after mine and he had no interest whatsoever in going. We left early from mine, mostly because we had a long drive home the following morning, but I would have loved to have stayed and talked more with old friends, maybe got up and danced, but all in all I'm glad I got to see them and spend time catching up. I felt quite like Cinderella at the ball, pumpkined away from the party long before I my feet were too sore to dance another step. LOL I don't think I left a glass slipper behind though.

There were those who did recognize me and enthusiastically greeted me and chatted for a long while, even without my name tag and there were those I had hoped to see who weren't able to make it.

I will say this- this was my moment of doing "big scary things" this year. That young shy girl inside me needed it- needed to see that I was still "part" of this, still connected to my roots, still connected to my friends and my youth. I'd do it again and I hope in another 10 years, when there's a 30 year reunion, I'm able to make it then as well and I hope that just as many of us show up, if not more. Age makes me sentimental and wistful but hell, by then, we'll all be heading toward 50- I bet we'll really cut loose then!

(Proud of my Anderson County Bearcats, even if I never officially was one.)

#SCENTsational Saturdays Through the Years~These Moments

I discovered this perfume when I was probably in my late teens at the good ol' Rite Aid and instantly loved it. It was definitely a more mature scent than the other fragrances I wore at the time- Exclamation, Electric Youth, Tribe. They were bold, funky young scents, but this one made me feel like I was growing up and coming into my own as a woman. It had sensual tones and floral notes that made me think of mature love.

I remember using every last drop in the bottle and then when I went back to buy more, it was gone, as though it never existed. I'm sure I could find some sort of knock off or old bottle of it nowadays, but I prefer to remember it simply as a fragrance I "grew up" on.

The perfume came out in 1991, so I'm going to share a couple of songs I really loved back then. ;)

Have a SCENTsational Saturday!

Does your Hero Smell? He Smells like a Memory #poetry

Ironically, this wasn't a cologne worn by anyone I ever knew, but I remember finding a sample scent in a magazine and I tore it out and slept with it under my pillow for a while and then placed it in my underwear drawer. It just smelled so good!

I guess, if I really get down to the nitty gritty of the matter, all the heroes in my novels probably smell like Safari or some equally raw earthy aroma that reminds me of my youth, of young love and the way your heart expands and your stomach pitches when you see that guy who makes your palms sweaty...who you'd recognize simply by the fragrance of him. The thing that makes him "smell like a memory." Our sensory perception lays the foundation for what we're attracted to, what we love, and the type of hero/heroine we're drawn to.

I don't often share my poetry here and I'm honestly not sure if I've shared this poem before or not, but I thought today I would because for me, scent does set off the most vivid of memories, and therefore it opens the door to the things we carry with us, no matter how far we've coming from where we once were to where we are now.

He Smells Like A Memory

HE smells like a memory
A hint of the past

Wrapping itself around my senses 

Jerking me back to a time I had forgotten
I feel the quickening of pulse
The deep vibrations in my core
Rising to roar in my ears
Drawing me to him

He smells like a memory
That makes my mouth water and my palms go damp
My heart aches and my loins tremble
As the visions of a life I once had
Flash through my mind
I catch my breath…

He smells like a memory…
Where has time gone?
It seems I forgot him so easily…
But I haven’t…
Not really
He has always been there
Ever-present in my heart
Waiting for some small detail
To set off the rushing river of emotions
That still tie me to him forever-
Be it an object or a feeling
Or even a scent
Yes, that’s it!

He smells like a memory
Like sensuality and sex
He smells of urgent need
And burning passion
And a love I tried so desperately to release
Still desire flickers and smolders beneath the surface
Yes, he left me…
Left me to face the days and years that came
Without him
Left me to reminisce of what once was
What should have been
What could never be
Yes…
He left me to pick up the pieces of my heart
Each time HE smells like a memory…

(copyright 2009 Taryn Raye)

I'll leave you with a few songs from one of my favorites- Ben Taylor.

SCENTsational Saturdays- Favorite 10- Body Fantasies Vanilla

A very soft and sweet vanilla, this body spray calls me home and makes me feel warm and safe. I'm not sure why, but vanilla tones in perfumes make me think of fairy tales and knights on white horses. Perhaps it's the simplistic natural aroma of vanilla that harkens back to homemade cookies and childhood.

I lures me with memories of holidays spent with my family. Of warming my hands next to the fire and the sharp aroma of wood smoke spiraling from a chimney on a cold winter day. It's a scented journey through my youth that gives me inspiration and reminds me of my mom and her encouragement.

I wish you a lovely weekend and a reminder that life is nothing if you don't Try... ;)

Have a SCENTsational Saturday!

Taryn Raye- What You Don't See ~Authors Against Bullying~

There's been a lot in the news and on the net this past week about Amanda Todd, the 15-year-old girl from Canada who struggled with being subjected to bullying and harassment, not just in school but online, the acts of which ultimately led to depression, self-harm and her suicide last week.

Wednesday, I became aware of a movement among my fellow writers- Authors Against Bullying (link takes you to my Page Tab here on the blog with the list of Authors participating or you can click the AAB button at the bottom of this post to go to Mandy M. Roth's site) and decided to share my own story of bullying today, as well as go around and visit and comment on all the other author blogs where they will be sharing their thoughts and experiences as well.

I might have written about this before, but it's probably lost in the archives if I have.

Often when we think of our adolescence, we're forced to put a mirror in front of ourselves to see who we once were. We're also reminded that things aren't always what they appear to be on the surface. In fact, most the time it's what you don't see, what's on the inside- those tiny cracks in the reflections of ourselves, the hidden scars and memories of the angst of being a teenager are still there, even if we've Windexed the hell out of it and tried to "spit shine" the pain away so that it doesn't look so bad looking back.

The cracks I have to look at, the ones that distort my view of my younger self? It is knowing that I was harassed and bullied by a group of boys in 7th grade. Every day, the same class, the same group of boys who took turns getting in my face and teasing me, taunting me, harassing me. And always the same knot of fear tightened in my stomach as that time of day rolled around and I had to enter that classroom. Sometimes I would drag my feet and wait as close to the tardy bell as I could, just so I would be able to get to my seat and hope they'd leave me alone as the teacher called the class to order. I hated being me because for some reason, I had attracted their attention and I didn't know how to shake them, I didn't know how to get them to back off and stop invading my personal space.

I always worried- Would they bother me today? What nasty remarks would it be this time? What stupid pick-up lines or lies would they feed me? Not that I was lapping up the attention by any means. I was disgusted, embarrassed and just wanted to be left alone so I could become invisible again. I wanted a boyfriend at that age, I wanted attention, but not the way I was receiving it, being ganged up on and teased and taunted before class. This was not the type of attention I had hoped a boy would show me.

Most of it was simply vulgar references that my 13-year-old self didn't quite understand, although I had a notion I understood well enough because the things they said made my skin do the creepy crawly dance. I'd already started placing bricks in the walls around my heart and mind to protect myself. Even when the one I had a crush on joined in with the others, I still huddled inside my skin, wishing things were different, that I could trust him to be kind, but I knew better than to believe a word that crossed his lips because he was just as guilty as the rest of them for being a class-A jerk. As my mom would have said, they were just "boys being boys" but when you're faced with that sort of thing on a daily basis, over weeks and months, it takes its toll.

Everyday I was filled with angst, fear and self-loathing, wishing they'd pick on someone else, wishing I could fade into the concrete walls and disappear. I was left wondering why I was the girl they singled out. I was a goody-two shoes, as I was reminded on numerous occasions later in life. I wasn't developed yet. I was a plain-Jane in glasses, hiding behind books and wishing I was someone else. Either someone they wouldn't pick on or someone who knew the right comebacks, the right zings, the proper burns, but instead I was myself, innocent, quiet, unassuming and shy and maybe that was the draw. I was too well behaved which made me a target. Let's see how much we can make this girl blush.

So often, the question that plagued me most was-

How would I make it until the final bell rang for the day so I could dart out of class safely, slip away to my bus, then go home and cry in the privacy of my own room?

I went home quite often and cried, or I'd have busting headaches and nervous stomach issues. I sort of talked to my mom about it, but it was embarrassing, so the majority of what I dealt with, I kept to myself. I cried myself to sleep, I shut myself up in my bedroom and I became even more of an introvert, burrowing further into books, into writing and wrapping the blanket of my depression around me.

Yes, I thought about suicide, that I didn't know if I could take one more day of it. It was emotionally draining. As if being a hormonally awkward teenager wasn't hard enough, having others draw attention to the fact that you're stuck between being a child and a woman was like death anyway. They might as well have shone a spotlight on me and thrust me up onto a stage cause that's the LAST place I wanted to be. I didn't want to draw attention to myself. All I wanted to do was try to grow into my adult skin with the least amount of embarrassment, learn to be comfortable in that new suit that was changing all the time, emotionally, mentally, physically and then be seen as a beautiful young woman deserving of respect. The situation I found myself in couldn't have been further from what I imagined.

I'm not sure what pulled me through. Maybe it was that 7th grade finally came to an end and for those couple of months of summer, my bullies were nowhere to be seen. I didn't have to deal with them and I was able to breath again and enjoy life. 8th grade year brought back all those worries and fears, but lucky for me, most of the boys who were part of my troubles had been broken up into different classes, so the couple who were in my class seemed to have moved on to pestering other girls and left me alone.

I was still plagued by those fears though and always felt I was looking over my shoulder, waiting for one of them to sneak up on me and start the teasing and tormenting all over again. Even though the bullying happened in 7th grade, it left it's mark for several years to come. I wore baggier clothing and went through a slouchy phase and at one point I gained so much weight, I was barely recognizable- but then, the less noticeable I was, the better. I withdrew more into myself and I stayed the quiet shy violet. That's probably the reason my eighth grade yearbook is full of "To a really sweet, quiet girl who I don't know very well" comments.

I didn't open myself up to others anymore, always scared to trust people, afraid that their friendship or kindness wasn't genuine. That took time to get over and eventually being able to talk about what happened with my mom and with friends. Being young sometimes makes it hard to see how much support we truly have from our loved ones. It's not just "me against the world."

Being a teenager stinks and it's probably the hardest part of growing up. I don't ever wish I was 13 or 15, or 17 again. Those weren't great years for me, but I survived. If you're having problems with someone bullying you, reach out and talk to a friend, a parent, a teacher or a trusted adult. If you see someone else being bullied, reach out to them and let them know they're not alone. Don't stand by and allow a bully to get the upper-hand. Tell someone if you see it happening. Don't enable the behavior by keeping silent. Silence is what leads young adults into the darkness where they feel alone and helpless to change it. Where they contemplate hurting themselves, where they grow larger-than-life gardens of self-doubt and allow that to choke out their self-esteem and their self-worth. There's so much more good ahead of them after adolescence, we can't let them wither in their youth.

Find your light and douse the darkness, cut back those choking doubts and help others when they have no light to lead the way. Now is the time. Not later, for later may be too late.

Click Image above to go to Mandy M. Roth's Blog

for more on Authors Against Bullying

Please share this blog and other blog posts on Facebook, Twitter, Google +, and any other social media sites you are on. Spread the word and feel free to share your own experiences. I'm here to listen if anyone would like to talk.

#SCENTsational Saturdays- Through the Years- Wild Heart by Trisha Yearwood

I received Wild Heart from my parents for Christmas the year I was 17. I think I was also wearing a lot of Coty's Wild Musk and Lady Stetson at the time. I listened to Garth Brooks almost constantly and I liked Trisha Yearwood, too. I was just starting to learn to type by using my dad's old college textbook. It was orange and you sat it up beside your typewriter and read along as you typed the lessons out. I'd just gotten my Smith Corona Word processor, as well.

One of my best friends and I didn't speak for almost a year after that Christmas because of a stupid fourteen or fifteen year old boy who looked older so he played it up that he was already 18. Damn, we were stupid 17 year old girls to fall for his bull.

I honestly don't remember what Wild Heart smells like, but I know it was floral and it was loud because it often gave me a headache, but I still loved it. Funny how that works, isn't it? When I think of this perfume, I think of Garth singing "Wild Horses." I would share the video, but apparently Garth shares NOTHING on Youtube which just makes me want to cry.

The very thought of this perfume brings back vivid memories of that holiday...of my youthful stupidity because I had hopes just like any other girl who didn't feel attractive, that someone had taken an interest in me. Unfortunately, he'd taken an interest in a LOT of girls I knew and he played us all for fools.

Standing on my parents' front porch in my mom's green Army jacket, shivering from head to toe as snow fell, the only light from the Christmas lights on the shrubs. Breath puffing out, nose red from the cold, laughing and believing in something...Yeah, I hadn't had a boyfriend yet, so I was believing in love...but that just wasn't meant to be...Ah....Lesson learned. Stupid boy!

Hope you have a SCENTsational Saturday

and an

AWESOME Autumnal Equinox!

#SCENTsational Saturdays- Through the Years- Love's Baby Soft

I'd swear this was one of the very first perfumes my parents gave me for Christmas as I was approaching adulthood. Caught somewhere in the middle of being a child and a grown woman, I supposed loves is a very good "transitional" perfume. I haven't smelled it in a while, but I'm tempted to get a bottle of it, just as I did for the can of Skin Musk, which I've really been enjoying. Funny how taking a trip down memory lane is a wonderful reminder of who we were before we became who we are.

This does have a soft powdery scent, but not something so loud that you'd feel suffocated by it's sweet floral and woodsy tones. This perfume was introduced the year before I was born (don't ask)...and is still a very popular fragrance, even now, so it definitely has staying power.

Heck, I might have to get it simply to share the experience with my own daughter. My mother shared it with me and now it's my turn.

I looked up commercials for Love's Baby Soft, but honestly the ones from the 70's were downright embarrassing and silly and there weren't any I could find from when I was growing up in the 80's, so instead I offer you The Supremes...so lovely!

Have a SCENTSATIONAL Saturday!

#SCENTsational Saturdays- Through the Years- Heaven Sent

The original Heaven Sent, this is a fragrance full of rain-washed breezes, of poems waiting to be written; Born of music, tender as love, Fresh as laughter, Free as flight, A scent so full of gentleness and dreams. It says what you have no words for. 

 

Fragrance Family: Powdery
Fragrance Notes: Apple Blossom, Mandarin Orange, Jasmine, Lily of the Valley, Rose, Patchouli, Oakmoss, Sandalwood, Musk

This fragrance reminds me of my childhood. It was one of my mother's favorites and she's the one who introduced it to me, this soft powdery scent that is not only classic, but can be worn anytime.

I found this commercial from around 1968 or 1969, probably the radio commercial my mom heard in her youth, and I had to share it!

Have a SCENTsational Saturday! 

#TuesdayswithTaryn Dustin Stevens

Tuesdays with Taryn

Dustin Stevens

What book(s) most influenced you as a writer?

I tend to go more by author than individual book, so I'll find someone I like and plow through everything they've ever written.  These include Lee Child, John Sandford, Clive Cussler, Kathy Reichs, James Lee Burke and am currently working through the CJ Box novels.

What book do you read over and over again?

I'm not sure that I've ever re-read a book.  I like going into the library and grabbing something new and random.  If I were to revisit something though, it would probably be one of the Dirk Pitt novels by Cussler or Billy Bob Holland novels by Burke.

Tuesday Trio-

I'll preface this by saying I don't really have favorites of any of these things, just whatever seems to grab me at the moment.  That being said, catching my interests this week are…

1)      Movie-  Leatherheads.  Vaudeville style football comedy set in the Roaring 20's starring John Krasinksi and George Clooney.  Can't beat it.

2)      Music- Somethin Bout a Truck - Kip Moore.  I recently completed a 1,500 mile road trip through the Rockies and must have heard this song a hundred times.  Never got old.

3)      Decadent Dessert- Living in Hawaii, we have some interesting desserts that just aren't found on the mainland.  The coco puffs from Liliha Bakery and Malasadas from Leonard's are both fantastic, but at the moment I'm big on the Hula Pie from the Duke's in Waikiki.  Google it, you won't be sorry.

What’s the most interesting or bizarre bit of trivia you’ve learned from researching for a novel?

A lot of the time I will try to include new or exotic angles into my stories just so I have the excuse to research them.  Recently I've come across two interesting bits of random trivia.  First, chimpanzees have photographic memories.  I haven't yet had any call to use that one, but rest assured I will try.  Second, apparently when the boogeyman goes to bed at night, he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.  Makes sense when you stop to think about it really.

Novel on your Nightstand:

Who/what are you currently reading?

Right now there are a trio of books waiting to be read.  First is CJ Box's Free Fire, a wilderness/legal thriller set in Yellowstone Park.  Second is Rusty Nail, an offering from JA Konrath, resident hero to ebook authors everywhere.  Third is No Angel, a non-fiction piece from the only ATF agent to every infiltrate the Hell's Angels.

Whom would you cast as your Hero & Heroine if your book became a movie?

The main characters in this one are high school students, so the actors would have to be around that age.  For the male lead, probably Alexander Ludwig, who played Cato in The Hunger Games. As for the female, maybe Hayden Panettiere?

Blurb:

Huntsville, Ohio is the kind of place young boys dream of growing up.  A small town where football players are the top of the social hierarchy and heroes are held in high esteem long after their final game is played.

For the past three years, Clay Hendricks has realized that dream unlike few others.  As the starting quarterback for the Hornets, he has dated the head cheerleader, been greeted by name everywhere he went and served as the visible leader of the community as a whole.

Now, faced with his final game, Clay is forced to actually make peace with the impending conclusion of it all.  In doing so, he slowly starts to realize that what he was doing all those years was far greater than just playing quarterback and that the impact football has had on himself, his family, and his community is far greater than being just a game.

You can find out more about Dustin on his 

WEBSITE
(if link takes you to a temporary landing page, rest assured, Dustin will have his site up soon)

Just a Game is scheduled for release from Turquoise Morning Press July 2012

 I will update and add buy links when they become available.

#SCENTsational Saturdays- Through the Years- Skin Musk by Bonne Bell

Skin Musk is clean, fresh and sexy! Let the soft aroma of floral, sandalwood and musk embrace you. A touch is all it takes to turn on the romance.

Ah...another perfume that, surprise surprise, has sandalwood in it! LOL Even without picking it intentionally, it's another fragrance I veer toward when picking perfumes. This perfume is actually still sold in stores and can commonly be found at Wal-Mart. I don't have any at the moment, but I've been tempted to buy a new bottle of it, just to see if I still like the smell as much as I did in my youth. Life has changed and I wonder if this one would be much like Exclamation, which might throw me into a fit of migraine attacks.

But having said that, I do remember fondly wearing this until I emptied the bottle and had to buy a new one and I seem to recall doing that a lot, so this must have had quite a few qualities I liked, one of which I do remember specifically. It has staying power. You don't have to apply a lot and the fragrance would stay with you from morning till night.

What I remember about it was that it was a "louder" scent than most perfumes that young girls wore, it was more sensual and to me represented being older, perhaps more sophisticated and feminine, which as some point, all young girls want to be.

When I think if this perfume, a few oldies but goodies from my youth come to mind musically, so I'll share a few videos today-

Have a SCENTsational SATURDAY!

Favorite #Books Spotlight- Persuasion by Jane Austen #memories #Love #Romance #Life

I first encountered Jane Austen’s Anne Elliot and Captain Wentworth in the 1995 BBC TV-film adaptation starring Amanda Root and Ciaran Hinds and I instantly fell in love with their story. I love Sense & Sensibility, Emma and Pride & Prejudice (Colin Firth is my one and only Mr. Darcy as far as I'm concerned), but Persuasion would have to be my favorite of the ones I know. I've yet to read or watch Northanger Abbey or Mansfield Park. I also have a couple of "short" stories also by Austen on my Kindle that I'm eager to find time to read.

But...there is not a time I’ve watched Persuasion since then that I have not rooted for their happily ever after and zipped through a box of tissues in tears because it's a beautiful story of love finding it's way back home and how strong two people's emotions can be, even when they've been separated by time, distance, place in life, and the persuasion of others against what they know in their hearts is right and true. This is a true-love-is-eternal story- feelings don't just disappear even if you have to go your separate ways. Sometimes, if you're lucky enough, you might just be able to find that love again. And sometimes it's better that you let go when you did...

Years ago, an EX, knowing my penchant for all things writing related, especially favorite literature, had gone out of town for work related training. I can't remember if it was when he went Atlanta or when he went to one of the training facilities in Tennessee, but we hadn't been apart much of our relationship and when he was gone on those long trips, it was usually for a few weeks at a time and we missed each other dreadfully and he'd call me when he could. On one of those trips he came back with all kinds of sweet little gifts for me that were Coca-Cola Polar Bear-related (something else that was a favorite of mine)- a cool ink pen with a matching diary and a deck of playing cards.

Another time, he went shopping at a bookstore, I believe it was a Waldenbooks, and he came home with this beautiful three-volume leather bound set of The Complete Novels of Jane Austen for me, just because. When I finally read the book I had an even deeper love of the story because the adaptation to film presented the story beautifully and brought those already vivid characters and their love to life on the screen.

I found this description of the set online-

The Complete Novels of Jane Austen, 3 Volumes

Tally Hall Press, 1996

This is a very attractive 3 volume leather bound set of “The Complete Novels of Jane Austen” published by Tally Hall Press, Ann Arbor in 1996. The books in the set are:

Volume 1 - Sense and Sensibility & Pride and Prejudice; Maroon Leather

Volume 2 - Mansfield Park & Emma; Dark Blue Leather

Volume 3 - Northanger Abbey & Persuasion; Black Leather

Each book is bound in different color full leather covered boards and features raised ribs on the spine, gold gilt on spine and cover, gilded edges, satin ribbon markers, and marbled endpapers.

A few of my favorite quotes-

"A man does not recover from such a devotion of the heart to such a woman! He ought not; he does not."


"I mean while the woman you love lives, and lives for you. All the privilege I claim for my own sex (it is not a very enviable one; you need not covet it), is that of loving longest, when existence or when hope is gone."

and best of all- Captain Wentworth's letter to Anne, which always, ALWAYS, makes me cry....

"'I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone, I think and plan. Have you not seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes? I had not waited even these ten days, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others. Too good, too excellent creature! You do us justice, indeed. You do believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. Believe it to be most fervent, most undeviating, in

F. W. 

'I must go, uncertain of my fate; but I shall return hither, or follow your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look, will be enough to decide whether I enter your father's house this evening or never.'"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Needless to say, it was a gift that brought tears of appreciation and love at the time. Even now, when I look at them and feel the weight of them in my hand, I still appreciate what a thoughtful loving gift it was, even though that relationship ended a long time ago. Those relationships in the past help shape our present selves whether we like to admit it or not. I think a lot of people look back on old relationships and see only the bad parts, but to me, there's still room in this ol' heart to remember that there were also redeemable qualities about the other men in my past that made me love them, and if not for where I was then and the road I traveled since, I would not be where I am or WHO I am today.

#SCENTsational Saturdays- #Fave #5- #Jovan #WhiteMusk

Unpredictable in spirit, pure in its essence. Exquisite in its delicacy. Alluring Jasmine, ylang-ylang, and honeysuckle blend with sensual musk, soft woods, and amber. The result is a warm and purely feminine fragrance.

Every time I wear this, I'm transported back to my early-20s. I was living on my own, working at a factory where I printed keys for laptops, ironically. When I wasn't working, I hung out in my apartment with friends, went to the movies or out to eat. Sometimes I went to the local American Legion to listen to live music and maybe get up and dance a slow song if the right guy asked me. That wasn't often and usually it was a handsome stranger who shared one slow dance rather than the current guy in my life.

My biggest concerns were paying the bills, buying groceries and finding a way to get to the laundromat when I didn't have work so I would have clean clothes in my closet and dresser. Honestly though, life seemed more carefree back then...even with bills to pay and work everyday.

Of course, I wanted to get married and worried about whether my current relationship would amount to a hill of beans. I knew I was wanted, needed, desired, but needless to say, it didn't work out and neither did a few others after that, but I was having fun and living life. Even with all the heartache I also associate with that time, I also have a lot of great memories, too. I guess that's what those early years were for though- growing and learning. I sometimes think I took the freedom of my early 20s for granted, but I wouldn't trade that time in my life for the world.

I think that's what Jovan's White Musk represents for me- a more youthful side of me- the side that doesn't feel like a "mom" or a "wife" even, but that young woman who was spontaneous and carefree and enjoying life in the moment. I guess that's why I still wear it- because it reminds me that I am a woman, I am beautiful and desirable and wanted. And there's nothing wrong with that.

Ladies, find that thing today that reminds you that YOU are a woman, your own heroine!

Men, don't let your women forget that you know this fact!

Hope you have a SCENTsational Saturday!