All By Myself...So Glad To Be ALL BY MYSELF....

It's just after 7 and I'm altering the lyrics to All By Myself for the stay at home mom in me. (Maybe I'm not so worried about my daughter starting school...)

When I was young
I never needed anyone
And making lunch was just for fun
Those days are gone

Livin' for more than one
I think of laundry
That I've done
The many meals
I've cooked at home

All by myself
I wanna be
All by myself
Just one time more

Hard to be sure
Sometimes my days are such a blur
And quiet's so distant and obscure
Remains the cure

All by myself
I wanna be
All by myself
Just one time more
All by myself
I wanna live
All by myself
Just one time more

When I was young
I never needed anyone
Making lunch was just for fun
Those days are gone

All by myself
I wanna be
All by myself
Just one time more

Hubby took daughter to work with him and my stepson is off to school and I'm ALL BY MYSELF! :D I feel giddy! hehehe!

It occurred to me this morning when hubby kissed me bye and told me to have fun that I was going to be home alone for the better part of the day. Then I pondered on the fact that I think I've forgotten what it's like to actually have peace and quiet around me and be ALONE. I could run naked through the house if I wanted to...who's going to see me? The cat? LOL

But of course, I'll control that deep desire to strip and go crazy. Haha!

Instead, I'll relax, check emails, take a shower later, talk to my mom and figure out what the meal plan is for Easter Sunday and well, just enjoy this quiet time for writing because it's a rare gift when you're a stay at home mom AND a writer.

I'm going to preface this by saying- Yes, I love my husband and kids. No doubt about that.

But when I look back at my years being single...all I thought about was having a family and a husband and children and how wonderful it would be, to be surrounded by loved ones and others to interact with. Now sometimes I envy my single self. She had all kinds of free time and could do what she wanted, when she wanted. She had sole-possession of the remote, didn't have to cater to anyone but herself and dishes and laundry were small matters compared to the same for a family of four.

Now there are still commonalities between us.

I still get grumpy and hateful and discontent. I still have moments of melancholy and wondering what I'm doing with my life or where I go from here.

But the one thing I don't envy of my old self, who had so much time...is the fact that she didn't have the determination and desire to write as badly as she thought back then. She bumped writing to the side, when she could've used that time to her advantage. She was full of excuses that didn't hold water. But then, she was a much younger, less grown up version of me and she probably would have written a lot of crap and silliness that I now know to avoid.

Even when she wanted to so badly she could taste it, she wasn't ready to write. I understand that now with more clarity and I'm learning not to beat myself up for all the time I thought I wasted...the time I never used. It was preparing me for the here and now.

Now as I've mentioned in several previous posts...writing does sometimes come hard for me when there are illnesses within my family, or other issues that are causing stress and too much noise can drown out the story playing in my head...BUT...

I have learned to utilize my time, SOMEWHAT, and there have been instances I've been able to work through all kinds of noise and activities that I wouldn't have been able to in my younger days. I've done load after load of laundry and dishes in between writing and still gotten a lot accomplished in a day's time.

Oh, my giddiness has me running off at the mouth, so best go. LOL
Have a great Day!