How Could I Do It?!?!?

Again, I didn't write as much yesterday as I planned to- I got my total up to 37,505 yesterday, writing just over 4K instead of surpassing my goal for the day. I was just too tired to wrap my mind around it until yesterday evening.

I only have about 12-13K left to go before I hit 50K. I feel like I'm floundering a bit, faltering and a little weary that the story will end before I hit 50K. I suppose if that happens, I can go back and add more detail and description to the story in places I might've overlooked it before during my crazed writing woman typing.

But then last night, I started crying after a significantly poignant scene that ended one of the chapters. I started bawling when I realized what had happened. I had only "sort of" seen it coming and after it happened all I could think was "How could I do it?!?!?!"

I got my MC shot- as it turns out, only a flesh wound, but dang...I scared myself and gave rise to fear and sadness in my own heart once I was finished with that scene. It felt vivid enough to me that I could see it in my mind's eye.

I almost think my novel has turned somewhat into more than just a romance...it was romantic suspense there for a bit, while this last part played out. In some ways I feel like this should be almost over, but at the same time, I'm still waiting- There has to be more to the story. Besides the fact that after I got through what I DID have loosely plotted, I ended up giving my characters the reins and they took it in a very different direction than I had thought it would go. I have a scene that was part of my plotting process, though it was going to come later in the story. Now it appears that it probably won't happen. I'm actually surprised at that revelation. It's no longer pertinent to the story, nor would it be that I can see. Maybe I can work it in, in a round about way, but it would only be the remnants of that idea rather than the one I had originally thought of.

I'm also still unsure of how things will pan out in the end, but that's ok. Sometimes it's better to let my characters lead the way, to let them tell me their story.

Hope everyone has a lovely Friday. I'm off to write on and keep going...

37,505K/50,000K