Life As We Know It....

Boy oh boy has it been a long time. Since I last posted, a lot has changed. My divorce was finalized in May. I got a promotion at work, but I also lost my 12 year old furbaby writing companion. Sweet Miscellaneous, aka Mizzy passed away in February. It was the hardest thing I've ever dealt with, staying by her side until her last breath left her and the light went out in her eyes. I still can't much talk about it, or even think about it to imagine she's gone, without tearing up. It took me months to even consider a new furbaby. And then about a month and a half ago I guess..maybe a little longer, a close friend mentioned she had kittens who needed homes. And something about it clicked. I felt it was time now to open my home and my heart again to a fuzzy little hell-raiser.

This little punk nugget is Pyewacket. Affectionately named for the Siamese cat from the old Kim Novak and James Stewart movie, Bell, Book and Candle, which was a favorite of my aunt Debbie's and in turn a favorite of mine.

We battle it out on a daily basis, getting swatted at as you walk by, but then later nuzzled and all purrs when he wants to knead on you and slobber before he settles down for sleep. Poor baby's had fleas and we've been fighting that as well. Not a lot of fun bathing a cat...I'll tell you that right now.

Writing is still always on my mind, but not always something I have time for yet. I haven't forgotten. The heart won't allow that anyway... In the meantime, I'm adjusting to a new furbaby under foot and all over me when I'm not working that thing that pays the bills. As for Pye, he should have been named "Now you can never go to the bathroom alone." LOL

 And he's quite talented and acrobatic on the pole. Some days I worry I'll come home from work to find a neon "Live Nudes" sign hanging outside my front door. Is there a cat version of Chippendales? I'm sure he'd fit right in, shaking his furry money maker. He's got all the moves.

Hopefully now I'll have more opportunity to post more often and I most certainly plan to spend more time reconnecting with my writing world. Boy have I missed it! Have a blessed evening and enjoy every moment.

Starting the New Year Off With a New Me #LifeChanges

I haven't posted in a very long time, I know. Life has a funny way of changing...sometimes those changes come without our say-so, but in my case, I made some choices that altered my own path. Writing has had to take a back-burner for the past few months, so that's why I haven't posted any new blogs or been around. My sincerest apologies to any who have been following along on my writing journey here on my blog.

I don't want to get into the nitty gritty of my personal life, but I will say that, my alter ego had to make decisions for herself to find her way and that meant I had to take a step back and let her do what needed to be done. It doesn't mean that I don't bug the hell out of her about why we're not writing though, or editing, or revising, or publishing. I'm pretty sure she thinks about it every single day, how little time she has to concentrate on that thing we love- the words, the stories, the happily ever afters.

Last summer I moved back to my hometown with my daughter. It's been a rough road, indeed, seeking work outside the home after nearly 13 years of being a stay at home mom and writer. Seeking a home for myself and my daughter and striking out on my own has offered me a lot of things: a redefined view of who I am as a woman, a mother, a person. I think I got lost somewhere along the way, but as that little quote up top states, sometimes a different path, doesn't mean you're lost. It means you are finding your own way, your own destination, even if that means the road is more difficult, challenging, complicated. And it has been, but sometimes life needs to be shook up. Unhappiness can make us the sickest we've ever been and stagnation kills.

So no bowl of cherries by any means. There has been battles of wills with my daughter, the loss of friendships, the difficulty of finding balance in a time of great changes, but at the same time, I wouldn't go back and alter my decision. I am happier, even with the amount of differences I now face, I don't feel stagnant anymore... I feel alive and useful, for the most part. There are plenty of days that I'm so dog-dead tired that I don't know if I have the strength to keep going, but I do. I somehow manage these things and I feel productive again.

And having said that, I also feel myself finding my place, finding my ability to balance and finding my way back to a place where I can also fit my dream back into my reality. Life changes, but sometimes that is for the best, for we find out who we truly are and how to dig our strength up from deep inside and use it toward making our lives more fulfilling and happy. I am coming back to my writing, so I hope if you happen to see this post, please keep a lookout for me, keep me in your thoughts and prayers that I find that balance, that joy, and that I find enough hours in the day to make all my dreams a reality.

Happy New Year friends! I hope to see a lot more of you all in this coming year!

Life and Beta Reads and Edits, Oh My! #TuesdayswithTaryn #writerly #life #dreams

So, edits and beta reads are coming along, even with Life's little obstacles just littering the pathway. Between several automotive issues and a bunch of personal life problems, I'm run half ragged and zapped- mentally, emotionally and physically.

Just as with novels, life is one big work-in-progress and I constantly find myself working and reworking my thoughts, my routine, my goals.

I'm also quick to remind myself that I'm glad I'm at "this place" with my writing- I actually feel older and wiser and I'm making progress, slow but sure progress, that will help me win the race. I'm glad I'm not still that stubborn 20 something who couldn't take constructive criticism or see the good in creative suggestions.

From the editor I'm working with to the beta readers and fellow authors who've taken a gander at LOVE BY DESIGN, I'm finding so much VALUE in the grammar and typo catches, the clarity in character and plot points that need adjustment. Tighten a bolt here, loosen a screw there, it will be well oiled and as good as we can get it before I put it out there for your reading pleasure...Much as I'm eager to "deliver the goods"- I want to make sure I give you MY best- and Jasmine and Derrek's best, too.

And Jasmine- much as I love her- has some character flaws that are starting to stick out like nasty little brambles, catching on my clothing and I know I need to weed them out- snip out the ugly and replace it with something that doesn't leave the reader wanting to grab her and shake the snot out of her. I'm thankful for all the help I'm receiving- the kindness of strangers, indeed! And I'm hoping that I'm building relationships with people who will become my pre-readers, my cheering section and my friends.

Even with everything else going on in my life, I am thankful for these new acquaintances as well as my wonderful writers' group- the Kentucky Independent Writers are a grounding force, yet also inspire me to lift myself up and reach higher, farther and even jump just a little, to grasp at those dreams I have, to pluck them down and make them REAL.

A quiet retrospect on this #TuesdayswithTaryn

Been thinking lately about how quiet I've been. I've been more crafty than writerly in my mood. Making homemade gifts for my loved ones feeds my soul and blesses me with a form of joy I can only get from doing those kinds of things (even when some people look at me like I've lost my ever-loving crafty mind), but tonight I keep thinking about my stories and the joy they used to bring me- those written, those not yet finished, and even those not yet begun & I feel melancholy.

I miss writing- I mean I miss it so much it hurts. It feels like I have a deep black hole in my heart because it's missing and yet, I don't know how to get back to it. Certain revelations about myself as a writer, about my stories, my characters, what's lacking in the stories I've written has bogged down my creative juices for months, and the process just doesn't want to come to me. I feel alone in this journey and have at times wondered what I'm even doing and why.

I know WHY- it's because my heart does not stop desiring to put words to page, even when I'm feeling creatively blocked, emotionally disconnected, and frozen in place by fear and self-loathing of myself as a writer. Self-doubts and misgivings press in on me from all sides and make me question whether the stories I have written and want to tell are even worth it. I keep thinking that there are so many other more talented authors out there and that what I have to offer would fall short of the readers' expectations, and mine.

I know I have a lot of work ahead of me and there are changes I need to make to my characters- in their personalities, their strengths and their flaws, the very essence of their stories and who they are. I feel so overwhelmed by it that I can't even begin... Every time I think of opening a file and working on it, I feel panicky and scared- and I'm not sure what scares me more....the fact that what I might find could be trash by my own standards, or might be trash in the eyes of others----

And worse yet, what if it only serves to reveal to me that I'm a sub-par author with little to offer in the way of a heartfelt story that touches a reader and proves that I'm nothing more than a fraud--- that silly dancing chicken on a hotplate. (I seem to recall that being something George Strait talked about in Pure Country when he was tired of all the razzle-dazzle of the business and how he felt like that dancing chicken- which seemed like a neat trick at a county fair or something, but in truth, it was just on a hotplate, burning it's feet and just dancing as fast as it could to get away.)

I do think a lot of it has to do with the fact that it's not just one book, but many, that I know I need to take a good hard look at and decide their fate through editing, rewrites,(and it might mean massive rewrites) before I can move forward with my plans to self-pub. Some days I wonder if I should even continue, but its nights like this when the ache to get back to work on it burns so brightly it hurts my chest and brings tears to my eyes.

I will sleep on it tonight- hopefully.... and maybe this is just a sign that my time to come back to it is drawing closer....that I need writing to quench a thirst I can't quite seem to vanquish...

Dreadfully Absent in Mind, Body & Spirit #TuesdayswithTaryn #burnout #tiredauthor

I've been dreadfully absent around here I know. I can't even remember the last Saturday recipe I shared or Sunday Snippits, but I had to step away for a while and I might still be spotty when it comes to posting.

Last month I took a huge step for a "woman my age" and finally took the road test to get my driver's license. I failed MISERABLY the first time, so I had to wait, practice and go back the following week to re-test. I passed with only 1 thing marked off the 2nd time, so I'm now a licensed driver- look out world! Some have already been warned, but I'll share here, just to warn everyone else.

I'm still getting used to the knowledge that I can come and go, pick up things from the store, do the grocery shopping- ALONE!- I can do birthday shopping now for family in my household without them being with me or finding out what I got them before I get to wrap it.

It's definitely given me a new sense of self and a sense of freedom, but there are days that I find myself wanting to go driving, or take off to go visit family and friends while the hubby and kids are at school, but it would be a 2 1/2-3 hour drive to do so, which is frustrating and makes me melancholy during a season that usually rejuvenates me. This year I'm torn between the joy of this newfound freedom and the fact that I can't just go visit my close friends and family at the drop of a hat.

Another reason I have been absent around here has a lot to do with my writing- or the lack thereof. Even with editing and getting help from fresh eyes to see where my faults lie in my writing, I feel like a car stuck in the mud, spinning my tires and getting no where fast~ except exhausted and burned out. And unhappy. Discouraged. Disappointed in myself and I'm mentally exhausted and even though I KNOW I don't want to give up writing, I just feel tapped out....I still have stories to write, begging me from the inside out to bring them to life, but I have no zest, no zeal, no desire to write, right now.

I found myself cycling through edits until all I wanted to do is cry because I'm so overwhelmed by the work I know needs to be done, not just on the one I've been editing, but the ones that come after, which are "1st-Draft finished". Talk about that sense that you are drowning. I found myself promo'ing for fellow authors and myself (for the one book that is pubbed) more than working on my own stuff that I intend to pub. When I did look at my own stuff, it just made me sick to my stomach and well, when you no longer "love" what you do, sometimes you have to step back and refocus and reassess where you are and what path you are going down. For me, I feel like a snowball, rolling rolling rolling, picking up speed, but headed for disaster. I've even backed away a lot from my real life social networking as well. I check in ever so often but not like I was before.

Now Mercury is in Retrograde and has been for about a week and will be till mid-November (the 10th actually), so I'm too superstitious (or silly) (or crazy) to pick up and start ANY new project at this time. I'm concentrating more on things I need to do around my house, making lists for holiday treats I plan to make before Thanksgiving to take to family and friends, playing seamstress to take up my daughter's oversized costume for Halloween (She wants to be Sabrina the Teenage Witch, though no one will get that unless she explains it. She got hooked on the show this past summer on Netflix/Hulu and just LOVES it). Normally I would dress up too, but I'm just not feeling it this year.

Now, even in my absence/quiet- I still have a book available- Castaway Hearts, which I'd LOVE LOVE LOVE it if you'd check it out and let me know what you think of it, but for right now, I think I'm going to step back from writing all together, at least until after the New Year. I've tried before to step away but I don't think I ever truly gave myself time to clear my head.

I'm so tired. My mind, body and spirit need time to rest and adjust and find the heart of my writing again. I think somewhere along the way, it's gotten buried deep beneath everything else in my life. It's the "autumn of my discontent" and on a personal/emotional level, I'm trying to figure out what's best for me and eliminating stress and unhappiness is a big big part of that.

Besides getting my license, I have two very busy kids~ stepson's on the Academic Team and has meets, daughter's in Jr. Beta, chorus & joined a run club. I visited family & friends during Fall Break earlier this month and with the upcoming holidays and knowing I'm not feeling up to NaNoWriMo next month at all, I think I'm going to step back into my life and try to figure out how to find true balance again. I know I don't have it.

I'm not sure I'll post anymore of the recipes I had slated for the rest of the year, but will try when I think of it. Same goes for the Sunday Snippits. And I will post from time to time, if the mood strikes me. If anyone is interested in taking a Tuesday or Thursday spot for some promo, please feel free to email me and let me know.

To close out today, here's an inspirational blogpost I JUST happened upon today that brought me tears and reminded me that I am NOT alone in being a TIRED writer. I just hope I find my way out of Tired, as well- very soon!

I'M TIRED

at ROMANCE MAGICIANS

from @LouisaCornell

Tuesdays with Taryn~ Sometimes Happily Ever After Happens, AFTER... #TheEx #Life #History

The scariest thing for me in attending my class reunion was the possibility of facing my past. Not high school past, but my early twenties past, or more specifically someone from that time in my life.

I think I finally stopped holding my breath when I realized my ex-fiance wasn't coming. We met up a couple years after our class's graduation, when he started working at the assembly factory where I worked in pad printing. The irony was that he didn't remember me from school~at all~ but he seemed to have it bad for me from the moment we met and even once told me that he went home after that first day at work, lay in his bed and thought to himself, "That's the woman I'm going to marry someday." In fact, I believe he'd told his dad that.

Honestly, I'm not sure if anyone we went to school with even knew we had a relationship but for a fair few who also worked at the same place or those we occasionally ran into when we were out and about. We dated from 1995-1999, off and on, and we were engaged 3 times during those on again off again years.

His encouragement, along with his mom's, was the reason I went for my GED. They were my cheerleaders urging me to accomplish that goal for myself, especially when I had gone for the pre-test the year before but was told I needed to study before I could go for testing. I'd let it go because I had work and other things going on in my life that took precedence, but a return trip to the GED office revealed that my pre-test scores were so high, I could have gone for the test the first time around, so the woman I spoke with set me up for the upcoming tests. He was the one who took me to Frankfort and sat in the car for hours those weekends I had to go for testing.

It was a roller-coaster relationship that had a lot of good times, but also a lot of very sad, hard times that hurt us both on so many levels, I know. I was his "Pretty Eyes" and I felt loved for the majority of that relationship. Even when I didn't know if I loved him anymore and had broken up with him, he was there for me, trumping through 2 foot of snow, across town to get me a birthday present and bring it to me. We had fun together but I know I was also a lot younger and I'm sure I made life a living hell sometimes when I got moody or irritable. He tried to put up with me, even when I was the grumpiest grump grump under the sun. By the end, I sometimes think that he hated me though...after all we put each other through.

Our official, FINAL "ending" was a new beginning for both of us. He married someone else within a year of breaking things off with me, leaving me feeling a bit like Ally McBeal- Do you remember that moment when she realized that the reason her and Billy's relationship ended wasn't because he didn't want to get married, it was just that he didn't want to marry her?

That's how I felt....It shouldn't have hurt so badly after a year, but it came as a bit of a shock to realize that we'd spent years going back and forth over when we'd get married and then he married this other woman after he'd only been with her a year. Seeing him come through my line at the grocery store was hell too- seeing that wedding band on his finger- and still thinking in that deepest part of my heart that he was supposed to be mine for the rest of our lives. He had promised me his love forever and vowed that nothing anyone said would EVER change how he felt about me.

Where was our happily ever after? It was clear then, that any inkling of love he'd once held for me was gone or buried, when he wouldn't or couldn't even take off his sunglasses in the store and look me in the eye when he came through my line, which he did quite often in the afternoons. And every time he left, one of my fellow co-workers would give me a break from the register so I could go to the back storeroom and cry.

I was damaged for a while after that, emotionally, left with questions about who I was as a person if I wasn't with him? What my worth was, if I couldn't be what he wanted and needed? And how had it all ended so badly? I wasn't sure I was worthy of being loved by anyone after that, much as I wanted to be loved, I always felt lacking. My best wasn't good enough. Not for him and probably not for anyone else.

He had been supportive of my dream to become a writer and I was doing a writing workshop as our relationship began to implode upon itself. I had believed I was on the path I was meant to be on in my journey to becoming a published author, but then he pulled the rug out from under me, when other people started questioning him about how we'd survive if we got married when I was such a dreamer, chasing that unicorn I might never catch and filling his head with doubts and fears. There was no way to survive on just his income and he couldn't "love me" if I didn't have a real job...

That revelation shook the very foundation of my idea of "unconditional" true love that was supposed to last forever into that Happily Ever After. Once our relationship ended, I also stopped writing.

What did I know about writing romance? Love stories? How could I write about love, when I didn't know it & didn't have it? I stopped caring about my writing and I put it away for a very long time....

But, it was one of those awkward moments you read about but luckily the pain and embarrassment was averted. Maybe he didn't know about the reunion. Maybe he just had no interesting in coming. Maybe he knew I was going to be there and was hoping to avoid me. Who's to say? I don't think it would bother me to have run into him after all these years have passed, it just might have been weird, more than anything.

But the thing is, I'm older now and I found my joy again in writing and I try very hard not to let anyone else steal it from me anymore. I know who I am and I'm still finding my place- it's down a long and winding road, out past the fear and self-doubt and insecurities that I carried away from that time in my life. And I'm proof that you can chase that dream and catch that unicorn....its a shame he allowed others to make him doubt me...

That ending was my new beginning...as I began again a few times, which I think we all do throughout our lives...always moving, always changing, reinventing, and always adjusting to what Life throws our way. Sometimes that Happily Ever After happens, AFTER.

It's a #MemoryLane Monday- Where did 20 Years Go? #classreunion #classmates #Life

When I dropped out my freshman year of high school after my grandfather's unexpected and untimely passing, which I once talked about here on the blog, I didn't give much thought to the idea of ever participating in anything related to my old classmates unless I happened to meet up with them as co-workers at any number of the various places I worked in my young adulthood.

I think I went to one Homecoming football game, a chorus concert and my Class's graduation and the "after-party"- a lock-in known as Project Grad. I never attended dances or school functions in the capacity that a student would have. I stayed friends with a few of my closest pals, but being a high school drop-out at 15 left me feeling as though I vanished from the world. Or at least, my world, as I knew it. Had things been different, I have no doubt I would have graduated with my fellow classmates, but I followed the alternate path upon which my feet, or my Fate, had led me.

A lot of things happen in 20 years and the last thing I thought I'd be doing was attending the Class of '93 Reunion a couple of weekends ago in my hometown. I didn't graduate with them, but when other former classmates and friends on FB included me in the suggested people to add to a Group on there and made demands like "You better be there!"~ I was surprised but also a tiny bit tickled to be included. (I took my GED test in 1996 and passed with flying colors, placing me in the graduating "class of '97.")

Nevertheless, nerves wreaked havoc as the reunion drew closer. Would anyone else remember me besides the few I knew on Facebook? That 15 year old inside me who dropped out shuddered with anxiety before we headed out to go to the meeting place where the reunion was being held. My 38 year old self was fine, excited even, to get to visit with old familiar faces.

As one of my fellow classmates said during the toast- there's probably been points where we've thought, "Wow, has it really been 20 years?" and then other moments where we're like "Wow...20 years seems like forever ago."

My nerves were also on edge, watching the door, wondering who all would actually show up and who wouldn't. Cause, yeah, in 20 years we accumulate and let go of so many things, so many people come and go and we've already lost a few of our classmates and sometimes I see something that reminds me of a certain person and I wonder about them, only to realize that they are no longer in the land of the living. It was a bittersweet moment when we were gathered, about to raise our glasses in honor of our class, our friendships, those who weren't able to come and those who are gone. It made me misty.

We weren't close to filling out the entire graduating class that night, but those of us who showed up seemed to find enjoyment in getting to sit and chat and laugh and cut up. For me it was all the more surreal as most of my memories of my friends and fellow classmates were from elementary school and middle school rather than high school, but I had fun just the same and I recognized most everyone too, other than a couple of people and spouses of my classmates.

I know my husband brought me because it was important to me, but I'm fairly sure he was just along for the ride and moral support. His 20 year reunion was held the weekend after mine and he had no interest whatsoever in going. We left early from mine, mostly because we had a long drive home the following morning, but I would have loved to have stayed and talked more with old friends, maybe got up and danced, but all in all I'm glad I got to see them and spend time catching up. I felt quite like Cinderella at the ball, pumpkined away from the party long before I my feet were too sore to dance another step. LOL I don't think I left a glass slipper behind though.

There were those who did recognize me and enthusiastically greeted me and chatted for a long while, even without my name tag and there were those I had hoped to see who weren't able to make it.

I will say this- this was my moment of doing "big scary things" this year. That young shy girl inside me needed it- needed to see that I was still "part" of this, still connected to my roots, still connected to my friends and my youth. I'd do it again and I hope in another 10 years, when there's a 30 year reunion, I'm able to make it then as well and I hope that just as many of us show up, if not more. Age makes me sentimental and wistful but hell, by then, we'll all be heading toward 50- I bet we'll really cut loose then!

(Proud of my Anderson County Bearcats, even if I never officially was one.)

The Fabulous @kallypsomasters #author of the #RescueMe Series #Military #BDSM #EroticRomance

Where do I even begin?

I read all kinds of books, but until my friend and fellow Kentucky author, Kallypso Masters started working on her Rescue Me Series, I hadn't really ventured too far into reading erotic romances. Yes, I've read other books with very sexy relationships and alternative lifestyles (vampires, dragons, weres, menages, poly-amorous relationships) but I just hadn't been brave enough to dip my toe in the more sensuous and most certainly more adventurous waters of erotic novels that include bondage, ropes, whips, chains, handcuffs and so much more.

Not that my freaky flag doesn't flutter (trust me it does!), but because I wasn't sure where I draw the line at what's sexy/romantic and what goes too far, I veered away from books of that vein for a while. There are certain genres I could never read and I know this much about myself, but reading this kind had me a little nervous, but eager. I'd heard awful things about some of the other books in this genre, so, what if I didn't like it?

Or the bigger what if- what if I did like it, A LOT?

I mean, I write contemporary romance, for the most part, with very "open-door" sex scenes and description, but the kinky stuff? I figured there are others who are more well-versed in that sort of thing and I can leave it to them. Hehe. (If I ever DO write erotic romance, I will most likely take on a different pen when I'm wearing my sex kitten writing cap. {paws up, claws out} Rawr...)

But like most everyone says, you never know what you'll like until you try it.

I had all kinds of ill-conceived notions about what I might discover within the pages. This "lifestyle" is not one I'm accustomed to or acquainted with and I figured for sure it would make me blush and perhaps squirm a little, though I'm far from being prudish. It's Kally's enthusiasm as a writer, interacting with her readers, introducing and discussing these characters from the beginning of her journey to self-publication that brought them to life for me. And for many of her readers, who eagerly anticipate the release of each book. Her hands on approach and friendly personality made me want to read them.

And then I did. I started at the beginning, with Masters At Arms because, as Kally will point out, these stories have continuum- you can't just pick up in the middle and hope you understand what's going on with each couple because they all have intricate connections that bind them together from the beginning, first as comrades in arms, to friends, to heroes, to family. For me, this is no ordinary series of books.

Now this is not so much a review as it is me just singing the praises of a fellow author who inspires me, with her writing, the depth of her characters and the storytelling that is grounded in reality. I'm not going to break down a review of each book or give away spoilers- mostly because if I wrote it, I would want to post it to Amazon and dang their policies, they'd probably take them down, as I am also a writer and they'd smack my knuckles with a ruler for even trying....but I will say right here that I'm eagerly anticipating the release of the next book and I will definitely keep you posted when Kally releases it!

Now, what I will say is life isn't easy, but we all just keep going because we have to, because others expect it, or they "rescue" us from that edge when we're most vulnerable. Most often it's the strongest folks who have the softest hearts, the most haunted pasts and the invisible wounds that need time, tenderness, and sometimes the discipline to learn to cope instead of burying it so deep that it hurts us more in the long run.

Kally is a master at shaping this world into a virtual reality that you can grasp- that you can envision and understand. You will grow to love these characters. Every sympathetic and empathetic fiber of my being traveled this journey with them and I adore each of these books. They must be read in order, but they stand alone when it comes to the power behind each story, the journey toward healing and I have a feeling these will definitely become my re-reads.

I haven't gone through the things these characters have, but my heart aches for the pain they've suffered, the feelings of inadequacy, of not feeling worthy of love, of not feeling capable of loving again, whether because of self-image, mistakes in the past, physical ailments or deep dark secrets too painful and embarrassing to share with another living soul for fear of rejection. The Rescue Me series is truly that, a rescue mission to help each one of these men, and women, find healing and their true power- it might be hidden, and hidden deep, but they are all strong, even when they don't think they are. And luckily, these stories give us romance in the form of reality, of seeing that sometimes old wounds don't heal overnight but with someone who loves you beside you, someone you trust with every particle of your being, you can begin to heal and continuously find strength to replace those feelings of helplessness, weakness and fear in order to find that ongoing Happily Ever After.

Yes, these books center around the "Kink" lifestyle, but I know Kally's research is in-depth and if her representation is anything like most of those in the lifestyle- it doesn't seem like such a bad thing to me. I love sexy and sensual. I love down to earth REAL romance and real passion. You can say what you like about it, but these books went straight to my heart. In fact, reading these books, I've had some very eye-opening revelations about myself. Mind you, you won't find me in a kink club anytime soon (if ever) but there are definitely sexy and sensual things I hadn't considered... {wink}

To that, I say, THANK YOU KALLYPSO! You are awesome!

Okay, people, so here's my final thoughts on the matter- If you enjoy satisfying reads, stories that grip you, have you on the edge of your seat, that are sexy as hell, packed with emotions and utterly good for your soul, you have 4 VERY good reasons here to start reading The Rescue Me Series now to get caught up before Kally's next release! And best of all- The first 2 Books are FREE on Amazon!!! So hurry- get over there and get reading! You can click the images of each book to go to their Amazon buy pages.

USA Today bestselling author Kallypso Masters writes emotional, realistic Romance novels with dominant men and the women who bring them to their knees. She also has brought many readers to their knees--having them experience the stories right along with her characters in the Rescue Me series. Kally knows that Happily Ever After takes maintenance, so her couples don't solve all their problems and disappear at "the end" of their Romance, but will continue to work on real problems in their relationships in later books in the series. Kally also loves showing how there is never anyone so wounded that he or she can't find true love. Readers often write to tell her how the books have changed their lives or their perceptions of what matters in life.

Click Kally's picture to go to her website.

Tuesdays with Taryn #writerly #doldrums #Life #NudgeMe #InspireMe

My brain keeps nudging me back toward my novels, though I'm just not "there" yet. Mercury in Retrograde makes me leery of starting anything at this point or adding anything "new"- It goes direct on the 20th, but I've just been in this hollow place about my writing for so long that I'm not even taking a chance on Mercury screwing me up more.

I don't want to sit here and whine and complain about the self-doubt and worries I have about my writing, but I do want to get back to where I should be...where my writing makes me happy and inspired and as of late, I'm just not feeling it. Perhaps I need a gentle nudge...or a good swift kick in the ass...

Though published, I feel I'm floundering, sort of somewhere out there drifting alone in this huge sea of other writers, who are also treading these waters, hoping for success or fame...I tend to lean toward the end of the spectrum that I'd be happy to make a decent living at my writing, even if I never achieve much more than a small portion of notoriety for my work. As long as readers are enjoying what I have to offer, that would make me one happy gal.

Of course, that being said, I again have to reiterate that I need a good swift kick in the tush and a reminder that my books will never get polished and finished and out there if I don't do something about them. I need to remember that the course of my writing journey is on my shoulders and at my finger tips- it is up to me the distance I travel and how far I will go.

New mantra-

Thursdays with Taryn~ Join me in talking about nothing much... #Life #Time #Determination #Blessings

I honestly don't know what to write about anymore. I used to post blogs almost daily and never failed to ramble on about something. That was also during a time in my life when I was most productive in my novel writing as well. Perhaps I need to do this as an experiment to see just where my thoughts veer off the path today. And maybe I need to do this more often to keep the writerly juices flowing...

We'll see...

I've still been struggling with myself- my journey- as a writer. I finished the edits of Love By Design a while back, but I withdrew into myself and I'll admit, I've been suffering with a bit of self-doubt that I'm just starting to feel lifting its weight off of me.

I've been in avoidance mode, or it feels that way. If I don't think about it, maybe my not-up-to-snuff stories will just vanish. I've let this drag me under the tow for a while now, but I think I'm starting to resurface and I'm catching my breath again. Perhaps I will find my inspiration and desire once more and stop letting the childish part of me wallow in massive heap of self-pity. I have work to do, it's just a matter of slapping myself around some and knocking the good sense back into me.

I know it does me no good to wallow like I have been, but I just feel at a loss, uncertain where I'm heading with my writing and my life, and sometimes I feel like I'm going at this all wrong, or totally alone. A lot of the time, it looks something like this blurry mess below- rolling down a secluded back road, a solitary traveler with a dirty windshield who's moving so swiftly I can't enjoy the scenery or stop to think for a while. Maybe that's just Life whisking by and it's pulling me along with it whether I want to go that fast or not.

It would be great if Life would slow down for us, but it doesn't. If we don't enjoy it, it will get away from us and that goes for all things- whether it's enjoying the flowers blooming in your yard, a quiet sunset, watching your children grow up, celebrating another year of marriage, finishing those novels you set out to write from the heart, cherishing the time with your parents, siblings and extended family and friends.

We need to make the most of all the time we have in this Life~ relish it, enjoy it, revel in it, rather than wallow in the muck and mire, allowing the negative to suck us under and try to drown us.

Take time to breathe today, look around you and count your blessings!

I know I'm going to because I have so many wonderful things to be thankful for.

Taryn's Snippit Sundays~ CASTAWAY HEARTS #historical #romance #excerpt

I'm going to be taking a break from sharing snippits from Love By Design, as I need to rethink and probably do more editing on it, and any other unpublished stories I have for the time being. I've been attempting to do some reassessing and taking note of what does or does not work for my novels.

Also- with summer vacation beginning for my kids, I'm certain to lose track and forget to post every Sunday, but I will try to remember when I can. It might not always be every Sunday and it will most likely be from my published debut historical romance- Castaway Hearts, which is available where most books are sold, in print or ebook.(follow link on image to Amazon or the buy links in the lefthand column here on my blog)

Here is the Blurb for CASTAWAY HEARTS-
Twice orphaned, Catherine Barrett arrives in Virginia a stranger to her closest kin and secretly engaged to the one man her family would disapprove of—her seafaring grandfather’s apprentice. Add to her troubles, the rich and intriguing older brother of her secret betrothed, Dawson Randolph, a plantation owner who is as heartless as he is handsome. Heartbroken when her intended sets sail for his maiden voyage, Catherine finds it difficult to adjust to her new life, hoping to befriend the one man who is, undoubtedly, the match her grandparents wish for her. Dawson’s distaste for her secret engagement to his brother makes it clear he has no designs for marriage to anyone. Especially her.

Ten years since the tragic loss of his young wife and infant son, Dawson Randolph is convinced love and marriage is a fool’s game and resents being pardon to his brother’s hidden engagement. Damned by his instant attraction and his own growing desire, Dawson vows to befriend her against his better judgment. Determined to bring her happiness in a time of fear and uncertainty, Dawson puts aside his animosity to become her confidant, only to realize Catherine holds the key to his heart. When tragedy strikes at sea, Catherine’s guilt pushes Dawson to the fringes of her life as madness consumes her.

Can his love save her before she drowns in her own grief? Or is he doomed to love her from a distance, always in the shadow of her love for his dead brother?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Today I'll leave you with a snippit from Dawson Randolph's POV after he discovers that his seafaring brother, Nathaniel, is secretly engaged to the young Catherine Barrett, the granddaughter of one of his closest companions. 

Marriage was an institute for tenderhearted fools. He might have been one himself years ago, but he would never be a fool again. Dawson stood and crossed to the windows and stared out across the fields full of tobacco.

At thirty, Dawson had his home and his crops and the occasional visits with friends. He had no mind to think of marriage and believed his younger brother would find it in his best interest not to think about it either. He would do what he could to dissuade Nathaniel from it. It would breed only heartache and sadness.

Dawson knew this fact very well.

Nevertheless, much as he believed it, the moment Catherine Barrett rounded the corner into the parlor of her grandparents’ house, Dawson could not take his eyes from her.

Thursdays with Taryn~ The Older I Get #life #distraction #learning

Life's been smacking me around a bit lately- so much so, that my writing, edits and anything to do with my stories has taken the backseat to everything else life is throwing at me. There are some days that I'd love to just curl up in a ball and sob the day away because I just can't fit everything in. I can't be every place I need to be, or where I want to be for that matter.

My writing's suffering for the sake of Life in general- laundry, meals, school will be out soon for my kids, I've been making an effort to do yoga and dance exercise as well as dealing with emotional/hormonal issues and I have lost nearly 30 pounds (and sticking with this new lifestyle has NOT been easy!) and I'm trying very hard to learn to drive- as an adult - Which is VERY frustrating for me. (I practiced parallel parking for the very first time today and thought I might pull my hair out and grind my teeth down to nubbins! Oh, and the turnabouts...yeah...don't care for that EITHER! But I have to know it.)

So anyway...I might have mentioned this before, but when I lived in my hometown, I walked pretty much everywhere I went— to the store, work, wherever I needed to go, unless I was going somewhere with friends or family who drove. For me, there was no need or rush to get my license, though it would have made traveling more convenient and perhaps opened more doors for me career-wise, but then I never anticipated moving away from where I grew up and I had a teensy fear of driving to cap that off, so I didn't worry about it.

Of course, all that changed when I moved here, a good 2 1/2 hour drive from everything I knew. I never thought it was that big a deal then either, when I first got down here, but as time has marched on, it has become an issue for me. Living in the country is nice, but it places me far from being within walking distance of most anything. Even the closest gas station is a mile there and back and that is one LONG walk, lemme tell ya! I've walked it, and that was back when I still weighed a lot more than I do now!

I don't work outside the home, so that's seemingly convenient, but more and more these days I feel stuck and stagnant and often, when there are things I could go get or pick up or go do, I can't because I don't drive. And oftentimes, it makes me feel beholden to others, having to rely on them to the point that I feel burdensome and I HATE that feeling. I feel like I'm missing a keystone to what's essential to most every living thing- a sense of freedom and movement.

Now I'm here, nearing that big "black" milestone birthday in blah blah blah years, I have two kids in school and I live in the country- quite a ways from town and quite a LONG ways from my roots.

I used to think that being away from where I grew up would get easier with time, but the older I get, it actually seems HARDER. I've been away for almost 12 years, but there are days that make my heart ache so fierce, its hard to get through the day. Maybe it's because my kids are getting older, but maybe it's also because my parents are as well and life is moving too swiftly and it can easily get away from us before we realize it.

That fact does not escape me. Life is far too short and several things recently have reminded me that if you aren't living your life fully, then you need to stop and assess that, especially when you reach a point where you don't know what you're passionate about anymore- or when you don't feel passionately about your life.

I'm still learning...but sometimes I don't feel that I'm living and there are days I feel like a shell of myself. Think a lot of that is what's jamming me up creatively and until I sort myself out, or push through, it's just going to take time...I just don't want to waste time being unfulfilled and unhappy.

Tuesdays with Taryn~ Spring Fever Like Molasses #writing #edits #distraction #life

Spring Fever is rolling through my veins like slow warm molasses as we stumble back and forth between cool weather that chills to the bone and humid days that are perfect for sitting on the bank fishing or sunbathing in the backyard.

It's loading my senses with inspiration and distraction and each force is vying for my attention which has made it hard for me to concentrate on one sole thing at a time. I don't feel like I'm multitasking as well as I used to- I originally started writing this blog a week ago and every day I'd come back and pull it up, alter the title to fit the day of the week and then get sidetracked before I could write another word. I'm really struggling to stay on track. I was also reading through Love By Change, the 2nd story in the Love By Series, but I've put it aside momentarily because I need to work on my craft.

Most recently I've been trying to improve it, by taking a fellow author's advice. I invested in The Anatomy of Story by John Truby.

I'll admit right now...I feel that I fail in this area where a lot of my fellow authors have taken time to study the craft of writing. My writing does not come from years of schooling, research or education. My need to write is simply drilled so deep into my heart that I do just that—write the stories that come to mind. I don't really know a lot about the craft of writing or how to build worlds because I'm such a pantser and I have never attended conferences or craft lectures. That leaves me with some disadvantages, like not having strong story arches and I tend to internalize a lot and I'm sure there are a lot of other things, but now it's time for me to build onto what foundation I already have.
 
I am only a few pages into Truby's book and have taken time to pause so I can work through my "wish list" and my "premise list." I'm not sure WHAT all to put on the wish list. I don't really want for a lot of material things and I'm not sure that's part of the list making or not, but I'm giving it my best shot.

It's also been a LOT harder to come up with that single sentence for each story than I thought, so I've spent the last several days chewing over how to write my premise for each and every story idea I've ever had or written or would like to write.

No small task, so I'm not very far into the exercise, but already I sense a shift in my way of thinking and awoke the other morning realizing that there might be a better way for Love By Design to start than what I have already. In fact, it could mean some major rewrites or rearranging of the current manuscript even though I thought I was nearly to the finish line and ready to self-pub it.

Now that I'm looking at it from this new angle, I'm not so sure. I want to be certain I put out the best possible book for you, the reader, so that it's worth your time and money and that means that I'm taking the time to sort things out and make sure I give you my best. Even it if means putting off the release a bit longer than I hoped to.

Sometimes you just got to know when to take a step back and do what you have to do, rather than what you WANT to do. You'll almost always end up with better results.

Have a fantastic Tuesday!

Getting Back in the Groove...No Thanks to Mercury

Mercury is in Retrograde (February 23rd-March 17) and my household is surely feeling the effects of it. Little things going wrong, hubby had a sty in his eye last weekend, around the time Merc went Retro, or shortly thereafter. He treated it himself here at home with warm wash cloths and rubbing alcohol, but since then, he's started noticing symptoms of having another staph infection in his nose. He had one a couple years ago and the doctor warned him that once he'd had it, he would always be susceptible if his immune system was vulnerable. Well, with the eye issue and a cold and working some overtime, I guess he's gotten a bit rundown, so it's off to the doctor for him today—to get this cleared up and get him to feeling better.

I’m still working on edits to my manuscript for LOVE BY DESIGN, which seems to be taking longer than I had hoped and I’m not too thrilled about doing “revisions” during a retrograde, but I figure I was already working on them beforehand, so I should be okay.

I’m sort of feeling trapped outside myself though and wondering how I’m going to get this done and whether the minor changes I’m making aren’t actually major changes I should have left alone. Thank you again, Merc, for making me rethink & reassess what I’ve set out to do. You’re such a buddy…a super duper true pal!

I guess really I just need to purge the bad feelings from my mind onto the screen here…perhaps if I relinquish the hold it has on me, this niggling that I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, then I can let it go and come back to the manuscript with fresh eyes. I know I feel like I’m just chopping the story to bits and making it worse, but I know that’s not something that only plagues me.

I’m sure many writers feel that way when they’re “in process”- taking useful critique and trying to weave it into the story, hoping to build up the tension, tighten the sentences, tighten the story and plot line and polish it until it shines.

It’s hard to do when the story is complete and it’s not always as easy to go back in and squeeze in a puzzle piece into the jigsaw that wasn’t there before, but might need to be.

Makes me feel like my puzzle has bunched up on the tabletop though and will NOT lay flat to safe my life or the life of the story. Rework is an emotional thing for an author and there’s a lot of moments where you think—

“Yes, this is working great!”

OR

“Wait, this feels wrong!”

Of course, that leads me to wonder if sometimes it’s better to trust your own gut and stick with what you already knew, to the truth of how your story played out to begin with, rather than trying to make changes that might be unnecessary in the long run. I guess I’ll get it figured out. It’s just a matter of time and hopefully a few more swipes through the manuscript and perhaps after a few more eyes have seen it, maybe they can help me figure out if I reworked it enough, too much or if all I’ve done was for naught.

Maybe Mercury in Retro is trying to tell me something. I guess I shall have to wait and see.

Nurture A Feeling of Love to Last All Year Long #Valentines

♥♥♥ Happy Valentine's Day ♥♥♥
"Love~ an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired."

Last year, I believe I posted that it's my belief that Valentine's Day isn't just for lovers. It's for anyone who has love in their heart for their fellow man, woman, parent, child, siblings, friends, even strangers. It's the one day that we all agree upon to shower those we love with things "from the heart."

Some people absolutely adore and relish the idea of this day of love while others resent it with a mad fiery passion. I prefer to enjoy it as a day that just serves as a nice reminder to always be my kindest, always show love and compassion to my family and friends and strangers and try to remember to nurture these relationships with the love and respect they so deserve, all year long.

Life is an extensive journey, if we're really lucky, and we spend it with a variety of people, who come and go, throughout that lifetime. I'd never want any of my family or friends to think that they were alone in this world. I hope that when it boils down to it, they all know that there is someone out there who loves them dearly, even when they feel they've hit rock bottom or when it feels like no other soul on earth understands or cares.

I am lucky to have a husband who sees the nurturing side of me and who thinks about that quite often when he gets me flowers for special occasions. Below in the picture are the begonias he got me last week for my birthday and next to them (on the right) are the mini roses he got me yesterday for Valentine's Day.

Both flowers need nurturing, though the begonia is going to be difficult- not too much water but not too little and it seems to be a very sensitive plant. My mom said she never had luck with them because she always killed them and by what I found out when I looked them up, I might have a hard time with these, but I'm willing to give it a chance.

When my husband brought in the mini roses yesterday, they were puny and sad looking, full of old dead leaves and very dry soil. He said, "These looked like they could use some love." 

So he brought them to me. We'll see. I hope I have a heart full enough of love to nurture both these plants and keep them alive. Maybe they'll even bloom so beautifully, I'll have to share them again some time here on the blog.

Nurture those you love, not just today, but everyday~

I wish you great love, laughter and joy this

Valentine's Day.

May it fill your heart to overflowing.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥  

Getting Older & Loving It! on Tuesdays with Taryn

Life really does zip right by. A few years ago, I remember crawling back in bed upon the dawning of my birthday, after everyone was gone to work and school, so tired and wore out, physically and emotionally that I intended to sleep a good portion of my day away.

This year, I got up yesterday morning, baked my cake, which is probably going to wreak havoc on me by the time this week is over, especially since I'm endeavoring not to "diet" but to make sustainable changes to my eating habits along with the adage that I should "Move More, Eat Less."

I had lost 11 pounds before my birthday, so here's hoping my birthday dinner (Mexican food, which I couldn't account for the calorie/fat count) and the slice of cake don't do me in completely.

I started laundry, did my yoga, ate a sensible breakfast and got all my email and messages out of the way and I actually felt spunky, which I haven't felt on my birthday in quite some time. Such a HUGE difference from how I felt 3 years ago. Later in the day I did a few low impact Everybody Dance exercises.

I received a little money from my parents, my grandmother, my in-laws. The mask above comes from my husband's dad and his wife to add to my mask collection in the living room. LOVE IT! So beautiful.

We've made plans to go out to eat with my mother-in-law and her husband later this month to combine my birthday and hers into a nice outing and she called me yesterday and talked for a while.

Hubby tried to surprise me- mostly because he kept asking me what I'd like and I kept telling him I didn't really know what I wanted. (I can be as bad as him when it comes to this sort of thing. He's SO hard to shop for, and I get frustrated when I can't find a nice gift for him for his birthday or Christmas.) I just don't see the point in spending money on things unless I really need it or want it desperately and I just don't have anything I feel is necessity or something I want so badly at the moment that I can't live without it.

They were showing a Maroon 5 commercial on television the other night because of an upcoming concert in Nashville and I told hubby, "There, that's what I want."

He said I should have said something sooner.

I said, "No, that's what I want. I want Adam Levine."

He denied me that gift and I pouted momentarily. ;)

He did get me a small pot of Rieger Begonias and a latte mug with a sock puppy (I'm not a fan of the monkeys, but a puppy is all right.) Bless him, he accidentally dropped the bag when he got home and broke the cup. {shaking my head} It's the thought that counts and I glued it back together and told him I could use it for an ink pen mug since I don't really drink a lot of coffee or cocoa or hot tea from a cup that big anyway.

As for my birthday money, I am contemplating the idea of an outfit or two for my yoga. The clothes I have aren't exactly right for it and not always comfortable, so that's a thought. Or maybe a new mat. My other one is showing some wear and tear or maybe a new yoga DVD. I will have to think on it for a while longer.

I was really surprised at how happy I was though and how good I feel to be at this 30-something place, a place I used to think was SO OLD. I guess I could be older, but even then it's all a frame of mind, I do believe. Our bodies might age, but our hearts and minds don't have to. I think that's part of the secret to a long life- positive attitudes and a willingness and desire to stay young at heart.

My daughter reminds me of this on a daily basis and yesterday she surprised me with a homemade birthday card, which she worked on at school and then had her teachers, classmates, even kids on the bus coming home, SIGN it to wish me a happy birthday. She even had my husband and stepson sign it too before she gave it to me.

And here I'd been shocked and overwhelmed with emotions all day because I had so many friends and family wishing me "Happy Birthday" on Facebook. For it's faults, FB is a wonderful place to be on your birthday. The amount of friends who left me comments yesterday just floored me and I was left with a multitude of smiles, a few tears and a heart full of gratitude because I felt just about as special as anyone can.

All in all, yesterday was probably one of the best birthdays I've had in a long time, not for gifts, but just acknowledgement and appreciation for my family and my friendships. I truly am blessed to know so many wonderful people and that makes getting older a much easier weight to bear. Thanks Bunches to everyone!

Have a GREAT Tuesday!