It's a #MemoryLane Monday- Where did 20 Years Go? #classreunion #classmates #Life

When I dropped out my freshman year of high school after my grandfather's unexpected and untimely passing, which I once talked about here on the blog, I didn't give much thought to the idea of ever participating in anything related to my old classmates unless I happened to meet up with them as co-workers at any number of the various places I worked in my young adulthood.

I think I went to one Homecoming football game, a chorus concert and my Class's graduation and the "after-party"- a lock-in known as Project Grad. I never attended dances or school functions in the capacity that a student would have. I stayed friends with a few of my closest pals, but being a high school drop-out at 15 left me feeling as though I vanished from the world. Or at least, my world, as I knew it. Had things been different, I have no doubt I would have graduated with my fellow classmates, but I followed the alternate path upon which my feet, or my Fate, had led me.

A lot of things happen in 20 years and the last thing I thought I'd be doing was attending the Class of '93 Reunion a couple of weekends ago in my hometown. I didn't graduate with them, but when other former classmates and friends on FB included me in the suggested people to add to a Group on there and made demands like "You better be there!"~ I was surprised but also a tiny bit tickled to be included. (I took my GED test in 1996 and passed with flying colors, placing me in the graduating "class of '97.")

Nevertheless, nerves wreaked havoc as the reunion drew closer. Would anyone else remember me besides the few I knew on Facebook? That 15 year old inside me who dropped out shuddered with anxiety before we headed out to go to the meeting place where the reunion was being held. My 38 year old self was fine, excited even, to get to visit with old familiar faces.

As one of my fellow classmates said during the toast- there's probably been points where we've thought, "Wow, has it really been 20 years?" and then other moments where we're like "Wow...20 years seems like forever ago."

My nerves were also on edge, watching the door, wondering who all would actually show up and who wouldn't. Cause, yeah, in 20 years we accumulate and let go of so many things, so many people come and go and we've already lost a few of our classmates and sometimes I see something that reminds me of a certain person and I wonder about them, only to realize that they are no longer in the land of the living. It was a bittersweet moment when we were gathered, about to raise our glasses in honor of our class, our friendships, those who weren't able to come and those who are gone. It made me misty.

We weren't close to filling out the entire graduating class that night, but those of us who showed up seemed to find enjoyment in getting to sit and chat and laugh and cut up. For me it was all the more surreal as most of my memories of my friends and fellow classmates were from elementary school and middle school rather than high school, but I had fun just the same and I recognized most everyone too, other than a couple of people and spouses of my classmates.

I know my husband brought me because it was important to me, but I'm fairly sure he was just along for the ride and moral support. His 20 year reunion was held the weekend after mine and he had no interest whatsoever in going. We left early from mine, mostly because we had a long drive home the following morning, but I would have loved to have stayed and talked more with old friends, maybe got up and danced, but all in all I'm glad I got to see them and spend time catching up. I felt quite like Cinderella at the ball, pumpkined away from the party long before I my feet were too sore to dance another step. LOL I don't think I left a glass slipper behind though.

There were those who did recognize me and enthusiastically greeted me and chatted for a long while, even without my name tag and there were those I had hoped to see who weren't able to make it.

I will say this- this was my moment of doing "big scary things" this year. That young shy girl inside me needed it- needed to see that I was still "part" of this, still connected to my roots, still connected to my friends and my youth. I'd do it again and I hope in another 10 years, when there's a 30 year reunion, I'm able to make it then as well and I hope that just as many of us show up, if not more. Age makes me sentimental and wistful but hell, by then, we'll all be heading toward 50- I bet we'll really cut loose then!

(Proud of my Anderson County Bearcats, even if I never officially was one.)

Thursdays with Taryn~ Join me in talking about nothing much... #Life #Time #Determination #Blessings

I honestly don't know what to write about anymore. I used to post blogs almost daily and never failed to ramble on about something. That was also during a time in my life when I was most productive in my novel writing as well. Perhaps I need to do this as an experiment to see just where my thoughts veer off the path today. And maybe I need to do this more often to keep the writerly juices flowing...

We'll see...

I've still been struggling with myself- my journey- as a writer. I finished the edits of Love By Design a while back, but I withdrew into myself and I'll admit, I've been suffering with a bit of self-doubt that I'm just starting to feel lifting its weight off of me.

I've been in avoidance mode, or it feels that way. If I don't think about it, maybe my not-up-to-snuff stories will just vanish. I've let this drag me under the tow for a while now, but I think I'm starting to resurface and I'm catching my breath again. Perhaps I will find my inspiration and desire once more and stop letting the childish part of me wallow in massive heap of self-pity. I have work to do, it's just a matter of slapping myself around some and knocking the good sense back into me.

I know it does me no good to wallow like I have been, but I just feel at a loss, uncertain where I'm heading with my writing and my life, and sometimes I feel like I'm going at this all wrong, or totally alone. A lot of the time, it looks something like this blurry mess below- rolling down a secluded back road, a solitary traveler with a dirty windshield who's moving so swiftly I can't enjoy the scenery or stop to think for a while. Maybe that's just Life whisking by and it's pulling me along with it whether I want to go that fast or not.

It would be great if Life would slow down for us, but it doesn't. If we don't enjoy it, it will get away from us and that goes for all things- whether it's enjoying the flowers blooming in your yard, a quiet sunset, watching your children grow up, celebrating another year of marriage, finishing those novels you set out to write from the heart, cherishing the time with your parents, siblings and extended family and friends.

We need to make the most of all the time we have in this Life~ relish it, enjoy it, revel in it, rather than wallow in the muck and mire, allowing the negative to suck us under and try to drown us.

Take time to breathe today, look around you and count your blessings!

I know I'm going to because I have so many wonderful things to be thankful for.

#MemoryLane Mondays- Make Those Moments Count

Life and death are on my mind right now and I keep thinking about how to make moments count in my own life as I'm growing older and beginning to lose loved ones close to me. I understand that death comes to us all, but some deaths hit harder and closer to home than others. Growing up I lost a great-grandmother, two grandfathers, a grandmother, my aunt by marriage and an uncle. I've lost distant relatives and close friends and that loss still hurts because I keep those who are gone close in my heart at all times. They might be gone, but they are not forgotten. I know of course that, inevitably, I will lose others as well who are closer to me, but I don't relish the idea and try not to dwell on it. We are all given just so much time and this matter really makes me stop and think about how wisely I'm using mine.

So often, I believe that we forget to make moments count as we live them. We don't intentionally take it for granted, but as we go about life, there are things that fill us with joy or sorrow and we carry it with us and remember it with fondness or regret later. There isn't always a a camera to freeze-frame the Kodak moments, there isn't always video, other than what plays out in our minds.

Life is such a precious gift. The relationships and people we encounter who have been blessings as well as curses. The ones who shaped who we are or taught us lessons that helped us move forward into becoming the person we're meant to be, or inspire us to be more than we think we are.

When we encounter those who shape us, mold us, inspire us- those who love us, it's hard to be reminded of our mortality and it's something most of us refuse to face- that someday that person might be gone- gone from our lives or perhaps gone from this world. And yet there is the hope that we will encounter them again in some distant future or space in time.

Remember to tell those you love how much you love them. Now. Share with them the things you don't want to go left unsaid. Hug them and kiss them and remind them that they have a friend in you and that you love them in return. We're not alone in this world, so show your kindness- share your heart and try to make those moments count.

This post was slightly inspired by one of the new songs from Ben Taylor's Listening Album, but also because of the failing health of a few people I know and care about who may not be long for this ol' world. Be a blessing to those around you. Love them deeply and never let them forget it!