On The Road Again

I'm a slacker I guess you could say. A lot of people have given me those bizarre looks over the years because I don't have my driver's license. Truth is, I just never felt it was a necessity for me because when I lived in my hometown, I walked EVERYWHERE I needed to go and if I couldn't, I had family and friends who could get me where I needed to go.

I've thought about it- numerous times, but fear has always gotten me in this regard. I've always felt like something bad would happen if I get behind the wheel of a car. No joke...it hits my gut like a ton of brick.

In 2001 when I moved away I had my permit, but I still felt I didn't have to be in a big hurry because I lived out in the country and if I needed to go somewhere, my hubby could take me since I wasn't going to work outside the home.

When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, I let my permit expire about a month later. I was scared to drive while pregnant, so I just let it go and didn't think about it. My daughter is now 7 years old. I've had friends and family attempt to encourage me to get my permit renewed and get my license so that I would have more freedom and independence, that I would be able to be more mobile if needed for emergencies or traveling or whatever, etc.

I was so scared though. I love my family and my friends, and I know they all have good intentions, but fear strangled me and made me put it off SO many times over they years.

Then two days ago, my daughter came home from school and said she had dreamed the other night that I drove her to school and came back to pick her up. She said- "It was so weird Mommy because you don't have your driver's license."

I couldn't SLEEP that night for thinking about it. It actually kept me awake. When I got up yesterday morning, I hunted up the driver's manual I had from a few years ago when I had contemplated getting my permit once before. I checked online with the Department of Transportation to make sure it was current and then I spent ALL day refreshing my memory of the rules of the road, etc.

It didn't take much. I finished reading it just a little after lunch time and I still know most of it because a lot of it is common sense. Years ago I passed the written without missing any of the questions, so I felt confident I could do this and so- today I did.

I now have a learner's permit again. I haven't driven yet since we left the courthouse, but I now have the right to and I need to get my behind in gear and get in as much practice as I can. I can go for the driving test in a month, but I'm a bit rusty, so I might need a little bit longer, but we'll see.

This all ties back into the idea I mentioned at the end of the other blog I wrote earlier about 2010 being my year for living bravely. I have let fear scare me out of doing a LOT of things over these past several years. Some for reasons I can explain and some I can't, either because I don't know, or because it's just too personal to me.

I was thinking about it earlier today though and realized that I actually used to be somewhat brave—or braver than I am now—I used to take chances, I didn't settle for what was there but reached for a little bit more. I've settled into what's "safe" and that is NOT a comfortable place to be when you want to live your life to the fullest.

Already I feel like I'm making massive changes I wouldn't have before....getting my permit again is just one of them...just like quitting smoking was almost a year ago. For today, the permit was the biggest change I've made. That was a huge step—in and of itself. Tomorrow...we'll see what happens next.

I've got to cast off the fear that's shrouded me all these years. I want to live and breath and find my joy and happiness...if it takes me stepping COMPLETELY out of my protective shell, then I'm going to do it. I can't spread my wings if I stay in the cocoon and I think I've been hiding in it for far too long.

That's why it's time...It's simply TIME...