Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Shipwrecked On Dry Land

78 pages.

I can't believe I got through so many pages yesterday, even with my two snowbound kids who needed nothing UNTIL I started working on things writing related.

I only have 15 pages to read through now before I can get back to writing this story again- and 160 before the story needs to find closure. That's not really that much when I stop and think it over.

This morning has been rather busy, considering how most of my days go anymore. After two cheerful days of being snowbound, I put two very unhappy campers on the school bus this morning. I remember the dread of going back after a few days off because of snow, but they've missed SO many here in our county that the kids are going to be going to school into the middle of June—unless they come up with an alternative to making up the hours...like 1/2 day Saturdays or giving up Spring Break- but even that won't be enough to make up for all the days they've missed...I've honestly lost track of how many it's been so far.

This morning I had every intention of getting on the Gazelle and I might still, but for the moment, that's off to a back burner. While the kids were eating breakfast, I made tea and put up laundry and started a new load of clothes and started the dishes. I finished up the dishes shortly after the kids left and made strawberry jell-o for them for dessert tonight and fixed a new jug of kool-aid, too.

It was while I was doing dishes and rockin' out to some tunes that I got to thinking about how non-routine my daily life has become. I just sort of take it as it happens and have nothing that's set in stone to do, besides checking email and games, etc.

That's when the bulb lit up. I need a schedule.

Right now I feel shipwrecked on dry land. I'm getting no where fast and its because my boat's stuck. I need to get back to sailing the high seas- of writing and life, that is.

So- instead of lolly-gagging around like tend to I do, I need routine. I always work best under a schedule and perhaps its time I make one for myself for my "work week." I don't like being stuck or perpetually drifting along stuff in the least. I want to see I have things that actually need to get done and know at the end of each day that I was productive.

So, I think this morning, which is getting away from me fast~ I will make a schedule sheet for myself. Today will be off kilter, since I'm going to be figuring out what will work best for me, but hopefully tomorrow morning I'll have things laid out to do and accomplish and I'll start feeling like I'm on the road to recovering from this rut I've gotten myself into.

Have a Happy Day!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Snowy Day Solitude

I don't have it—but I'd like to.

In the warmth of the house I have kids who are snowbound from school hollering at every turn in need of something or fussing with each other and cartoons hopping and skipping across the television screen behind me and plenty of other distractions—and trust me the distractions just KEEP coming—but when I was staring out the side door this morning and watching the fat fluffiness collect on the lawn and then later on my hushed walk to the mailbox to put a few bills out, I realized where the solitude is—it's out THERE. Unfortunately, it's very COLD out THERE and not very conducive of staying outside for extended periods of time no matter how peaceful it is.

See, out there is a kind of muffled, muted alternate world. The ground is blanketed in glistening white and the only sound is the occasional car driving cautiously over the icy layer on the road or my snow boots crunching lightly over the fresh fallen snow. The snowflakes whisper solemn warnings as they swish past in hurry—"Move slowly...do not disturb...the earth is sleeping beneath our cold comfort and in our wintry embrace."

I wish there were some way to bring that solitude and honest peace indoors~ minus the cold and snow, of course. There's such a wonderful sense of connection to nature and the world around us when the is snow on the ground and falling all around us. It puts me at ease and I can breath a little easier, even as the sharp cold air hits my lungs on a deep intake. I exhale and feel thankful for the momentary illusion that all's right with the world as I allow the calm chill to bundle me in quiet resolution. It would be perfection to write under those circumstances, but as I said, I will NOT be staying out there for any length of time more than I HAVE to.

I hate to say it, but much as I've missed real "snowy" winters since I moved further south, I'll be glad to see this season go. Perhaps, for all my whining over past 8 years that I haven't seen enough real snowfalls and accumulation it came back to bite my tush. I think I've seen plenty enough snow to last me for a while again. I have a feeling the snow's not done with us yet though, even though I know most of are certainly done with it.

Spring is more than welcome here!

In fact, I'd be more than happy to have her for a house guest. She could pack her things and come stay with me until it's time for her job to truly start next month. That would be wonderful!

I don't mind Winter, really I don't, but I think it's time we part ways.

I see it as a time to rest before new growth begins. I feel new growth in my own life—hibernating beneath the surface, waiting for Spring so that it can awaken and break the surface~stretch its limbs toward the warmth of the sunlight and unfurl its leaves to dance in the breeze and turn its budding face to the great stretch of crystalline blue sky with a smile. That's what I look forward to.

It will come~ even though it seems we're buried beneath this white crusty blanket of Winter that will never lift off of us- it WILL come and I'll be so glad when it does!

Have a wonderful day everyone. May it be productive in ALL the right ways and bring you the solitude and comfort you need.

Friday, February 12, 2010

That's a Lot!

A lot of cupcakes and a lot of birthdays—

I was intending to post a blog like this a week ago on my birthday, but I got sidetracked and completely forgot I'd started a document just for that reason.

So- since I can't really think of anything noteworthy to write about in regard to my writing (though I did get through about 96 pages of "catch-up" on my WIP in the past two days)- I thought I might share some of the more vivid memories of things I've experienced or remember about my past 35 years.

These birthday musings conjured up all kinds of memories from childhood...things I don't talk about much anymore because it was either so long ago or I usually don't remember it unless I stumble across something that reminds me of a moment long passed. I try to share those memories with my kids so they will know how I spent my childhood.

Through my childhood I lived in 3 different houses. One was called the "Ripy" place- named after the original owner. It was my parents first house and the house they brought me home to after I was born. My sister was also born during the time we lived in that house. It was way out Highway 44 in Lawrenceburg in a small place called Glensboro. After my sister was born, we moved and lived for a very short period of time in a place I refer to as "The House at Wolf Creek." Sounds ominous, I know.... LOL

It's the one we thought might be haunted and my memories of it make me think—abandoned, ghostly plantation with a creaky dangerous balcony and lots of ancient history. Well, not "ancient" but old. That's one I will hopefully delve into further in a later blog. No one lives there any longer and I haven't seen it in years, though the last time I did it was in a dilapidated state and it nearly broke my heart because—though we didn't live there long—I still feel connected to that creepy old house and it's the inspiration for novel idea I have. I guess it's been nearly 9 or 10 years, perhaps. One of my exes took me to see it because he was fascinated by the ghostly tales and description I had given him and since I wanted to go see it again, he took me. I would like to make a trip down there and take pictures of it and surrounding area- mostly for my own reference and inspiration for when I begin writing the story I plan to that has it as a setting.

Of course, it was after that house that we moved to town and the suburbs and where my parents and sister still live, tucked into that little neighborhood that I love so much. Even being in town though, Saturdays were always my favorite day of the week because that's when we went to visit my grandparents who still lived in the countryside out 44. That's where I spent a lot of time running around the junk yard and going on scavenger hunts in old car bodies to find shiny little treasures or hidden litters of kittens or puppies. I plucked huge fat purple grapes from the vine behind my grandparents’ house that hung over an old broken refrigerator and climbed over the carcasses of long dead automobiles and car parts.

I “helped” my grandpa build the kitchen onto the house—mind you, I was probably somewhere between 3 and 5 and I hit my thumbnail with a hammer and ended up losing the nail- though luckily a new one grew back in its place. I drank water out of an old pump with a bright red painted handle that you had to yank into an upward position to turn it on and it would spit and sputter something awful. I tramped through the junk yard to find a can of udder salve for cuts. My first pet was a dog I named Macaroni because I loved “Yankee Doodle." He was a black lab I think or possibly a mutt, but when we moved to town, we had to leave Mac with my grandparents and they kept him chained up behind the tall fence they had to have for the junkyard so it wouldn't be an eyesore. I stepped on a rusty nail one time going with my aunt to feed Mac and and drove it through my flip-flop and nearly through my foot.

This is the same grandparents who owned cows, pigs, chickens, mules, ponies, etc. I believe I've posted about Midnight Lady before- the black mare my grandpa had and oh, how I loved her! I always rode her bareback. Come to think of it I’m not sure I’ve ever used a saddle. Maybe once and it freaked me out cause I was always scared she would blow her belly out when the saddle was put on and then it would be loose when I tried to get on her. That's a pretty scary idea when you're 14 or 15 and you think about it- supposing the saddle slid and flipped you upside down when you're that high up off the ground and then you would get dragged along with stampeding hooves so close to your head or dropped in the mud. LOL I spent a lot of time currying and combing her and talking to her. I also spent a lot of time shucking corn for feed with an old-fashioned crank handled iron shucker mounted on a huge barrel down in the feed shed where my grandpa stored the animals' food and the harnesses, bridles, reins and such. I love—and miss—the aroma of leather and oats and sweet molasses.

I also went fishing a lot at the "slab" with my grandmother down 44 near the old distillery or sometimes we'd go to the pond up behind the garage behind the house or the neighbor's pond up the road. She never failed to make sure we had our fishing trip supplies- peanut butter crackers, Vienna sausages or potted meat and saltines, Hershey’s bars and Coca~Cola for our outings. I learned about using crawdads for bait from her though I haven't been fishing in years and honestly don't think I could bait my own hook now and I sure haven't ever gotten fish off my line. That's one area where I will always still be too much of a girly-girl to do so. I do miss fishing though- more so because it was time spent with my grandma and grandpa and something I can't get back now.

I learned about the life cycle of “skeeters” from my Aunt Debbie. I stood on an old bucket flipped upside down while we fed Fred and Barney- two cows my grandpa bought to raise for meat. She pointed the mosquitoes out in the water trough and told me how they grew in the water and then took wing, etc. She also helped me explore the worlds beneath stones and bricks- watching ant trails and roly-polys and earth worms wiggling across the gravel after a rain. I have a slight penchant for stray and abandoned baby animals like my aunt too, and I have nursed baby animals with eyedroppers—in fact, I took care of a pair of orphaned baby possums at one point, for a very short time(until my grandma had my uncle set them "free" cause she hated them- at least I think that's what happened LOL).

I spent rainy days indoors and sometimes my uncle would bring me a steering column, wheel, key and all up to the house so I could sit in a chair and pretend I was driving. When I was really little I remember there being a "board" swing out behind the house and I'd spend a lot of time making mud pies in old pots and pans. When I got older, my grandpa and uncle put a tire swing up out in front of the house and me and my sister and cousin would stay out there all day long. We also sat on the hoods of cars out in front of the house and waved at everyone going by on hot summer afternoons. That was a big thrill of course- made you feel like you knew everyone in the county if they waved back or honked at you! LOL It also wasn't uncommon to find us girls sitting on hay bales or tramping around down near the creek, just to feel like we were journeying into the wild- going deep into the "jungle" in search of undiscovered creatures and mysteries.

These memories don't even encompass much more than a few years of my life though- perhaps five, ten—maybe fifteen. Thinking about it brings a sort of melancholy ache to my chest, my heart- for loved ones long gone and moments spent lazily believing that time moved too slowly and the hazy humid days of summer and the long cold nights in winter would never pass quickly enough until I could be all grown up and really "have a life of my own." LOL

Who knew? I didn't realize it was actually moving faster than I could have imagined and those moments were gone in the blink of any eye- the flip of a switch and my life transitioned seamlessly from childhood to adulthood without my really knowing it had happened.

That's a lot and yet it barely skims the surface...

Have a wonderful weekend everyone and I hope you have a beautiful Valentine's Day with your significant other and/or your family and friends.

It's a day set aside (albeit a bit commercially) for LOVE—So love everyone within your life's circle and be grateful for all who have crossed your path, who are in your life now and those who may be just around the corner. Love comes in array of sizes, shapes, and colors that can fit all, so don't forget someone just because they aren't your "romantic" love. Celebrate all the loves in your life- friends, parents, children, etc. They are all special because you love them and they love you. You probably have far more Valentines than you can possibly know.

Don't forget to let them know that, cause time does move faster than we can imagine!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Birthday

It's been a few days since I last posted. I've still had very little to blog about, but I will say my birthday was last Thursday and well, for some, its not a big deal, but for me it was a little bit epic. Probably because it isn't just about the number but the past few years that have seen me going through a lot of emotional and personal changes that I'm still working through it.

I won't go into specifics because, as I said, it's emotional and personal and therefore private, but I will say that I need balance and clarity in my life and that's something I've felt has been lacking.

My birthday was really a normal day, just like any other though I had chosen to go back to bed after everyone was gone to work and school. I hadn't been asleep very long when I awoke because I "felt" something and looked up to see my husband in the doorway of the bedroom. He scared the living daylights out of me because he was supposed to be at work, but he said he took off so that I wouldn't be alone on my birthday. He brought me some pink tulips, a card and a CD of one of my favorite singers- Robin Thicke.
Shortly after hubby came in, I went and got the mail. My grandmother, at my request, had spent some time in the past year working on writing about her life growing up and how she and my grandfather met and got together and things like that. A 33 page, "life story," as she put it, was in a manilla envelope in my mailbox that day. I came in and spent a good portion of the afternoon reading about her childhood and what life was like growing up in the 30's and 40's on a farm and how she and my grandfather came to date and later marry and work the railways as cooks and so forth.
It has to be one of THE most precious gifts I've ever received for my birthday because she is the only grandparent I have left and if I hadn't asked her about her life, there's a LOT of things I might never have known about her on a personal level. Looking at a family tree is such a different thing...it really tells you so little about your family...but now I have stories I can sit and tell my daughter about that later she will be able to tell her children about because she will remember her great grandmother not just from being around her, but because what my grandmother wrote for me will be passed on- generation after generation. My only regret is that I never got a chance to ask my other grandparents do something similar.
My birthday was made even better after that because my daughter- 7 years old- gave me a "present" that included some of her bracelets and a bead necklace, but even better than that was a handmade birthday card she drew. (See Photos below)


My child astounds me with her neverending faith and belief in me, even when I have so little in myself. LOL All in all it was a good birthday. I recieved birthday money from my aunt, my parents and my grandmother and my MIL and her husband. I received two beautiful cracked glass butterfly votive holders and Cafe Au Lait Yankee Candle Company votives to go with them from my FIL and his wife.
I also received a lot of wonderful birthday wishes from friends, old schoolmates, and acquaintances via Facebook and email, so it really improved the day and reminded me that things are never as bad as they might seem! LOL
Another thing I believed that helped was that Mercury has finally gone fully direct- on my birthday and since then it seems that I have been able to see things more clearly and I sense some pretty major life changes headed this way. I'm not sure what they are exactly, but I can feel it deep in the marrow of my bones that changes are in the winds. One big one is that, thanks to our recent tax refund, if all goes well, I might finally be able to get my laptop that I had planned to get a couple of years ago before several homeowner emergencies arose all at the same time (leaky roof, stove overheating and the washer gave out all at once).
Of course, searching for a laptop for myself with the things I need is becoming quite the headache and I've had to take a break. I don't want to make an investment till I know I'm sure of what I want or need on it.
Well, that's it for now I suppose. Tune in next time for more exciting news from the writing cave (aka my living room- though if I get the laptop my writing cave could become more mobile! LOL)