End of a Decade, Beginning of Something New

It wasn't until the other day that I realized we are at the end of a decade. 2010 marks the beginning of a new decade...at least that's MY understanding of how decades are divvied up- from 1980-1989, 1990-1999, 2000-2009, 2010-2019, etc.

I just can't fathom that we're already a decade into the new century. It seems only yesterday people were screaming Y2K and panicking that their computers were going to go all wonky and the world was going to collapse around our ears. LOL

10 years ago I wouldn't have dared dream of ordering anything online...in fact, I had very little knowledge of a computer myself back then and thought that eBay was the only way to "shop" online and even then you had to follow the rules of winning auctions, etc. LOL Now you can pretty much do ANY kind of shopping online and books are even in e-book format, something that was foreign and unheard of in my little corner of the world back then. Mind you, I still don't do eBay and I'm not a big reader of e-books, but boy I do buy the heck out of books on Amazon! LOL

But then, ten years ago, I was single and living it up and working at a grocery store and hanging out with my friends. I was recovering from a broken engagement and a broken heart- which wasn't so broken after all now that I look back on it- the heart, not the engagement. It was best buried and left back there in its grave. ☺

And as the small world around me went into widespread panic, I just coasted along and laughed because I didn't think Y2K would be more than a hiccup over into the 2000's, perhaps a burp at best. LOL

Of course, looking back, I hadn't done much in the way of my writing either, so I've come a long way. I had never finished anything but poetry and song lyrics (which I'll NEVER sing). Novel-wise, I had the beginnings of a single novel, one that was close at heart, but not close to being finished.

10 years has changed a lot in some respects. I met someone, moved away, married, had a baby, and have written 9- nearly 10, complete manuscripts, though that doesn't mean they are anywhere near being presentable. I'm ten years older and though some say I'm not the same, I still feel like that younger girl inside. At the core, I'm still ME. I sometimes think that time- years- decades- change a lot about people outwardly, but inside we're all still youthful, hopeful believers in fairytales and happily ever afters and though this past year has been a rough one in regard to my writing and I'm not feeling very confident in myself because of it, I am determined to start the new decade off getting back on my game. It's not so much a resolution, but a HAVE-TO for me. I'm not sure I can go another year NOT writing the way I spent this past year dawdling and piddling about with it and not accomplishing anything.

Maybe I was drained of inspiration. Some might say I was clogged up or blocked, but I think I just steamrolled myself into believing I wasn't good enough to be a writer again and I let it rule me this year. I won't stand for that in the coming year. I can't. I spent almost 3 years writing till my fingers ached, but during that time, my heart was soaring on wings of joy and blindly believing in myself in a way I have NEVER believed in myself before.

I've just spent a year without that delicious, delirious happiness flowing through me and out of me into my stories and characters and I realize it's not something I want to live without any longer. The true writer within is screaming and clawing her way past the doubt and self-imposed miserable abyss she fell into.

I know big changes are around the corner for me. I don't know for sure what all that entails, but I know change is coming again. It came the year that I finished my first novel and began the journey into writing with serious determination and it's circling back around again. The breeze is building and I feel it flowing beneath those wings again, ready to lift me out, ready to toss me high into the sky so I can spread out, high enough that I can catch the wind and flow with it instead of fighting against it.

It's a new decade and a new time- a new sun rising over the next chapter of my life and that means, I am going to try to wrap myself in words again- find that voice I miss so much, hear the stories, hear my characters and remember what I've forgotten for it seems I lost myself somewhere over the past year and it's time to find her again. I also am determined to find more time to start blogging again, so please check in with me ever so often. Poke me or nudge me if I grow quiet again, make me talk. Please.

To a wonderful New Year and a new Decade full of wonder and adventure!

~Taryn

NaNoWriMo Nearly Took Me Out This Year....

It's beginning to look "more" like Christmas to me...now that I've hit 50K and validated my word count to WIN NaNoWriMo '09.

So, I got down to the wire this year, didn't I?

I crossed the 50,000 word count mark just an hour or so ago, thank goodness.

I was really starting to doubt I would win this year because it seemed like there were so many distracting things this year to keep me from writing. In the past years, I have hit 50K somewhere close to the middle of November, but this year...I felt myself dragging along....

Mind you, the story isn't done...no...I still have about 161 pages to write, but that puts me more than 1/2 there already since I'm heading toward 400 pages.

Just before I hit 50K, a plot bunny hopped across my path and told me a little bit more about where the story is going, too, so that is helpful and inspiring, isn't it?

I've just been SO out of it this month...truthfully- this entire year. I haven't cared about writing, trudged through revisions most the year, hating that and gritting my teeth and wishing to goodness I didn't HAVE to revise or edit at all....I know my stories will be all the better for it, but it's so tiring.

I didn't do anything more than plant flowers this year because doing a garden just sounded like too much trouble. Then I quit smoking and started working out on my gazelle (which I've been lax about doing since NaNo started) I've probably said it before but I think 2006-2008 when I did so much writing sucked me dry and this year has been about refilling my tank....but I still don't think I'm rejuvenated.

I've dealt with a sick kid a couple of times this month, preparing for the holidays and our vacation trip to Pigeon Forge with my husband's side of the family and then Thanksgiving, etc. It's been so hectic and to top it off, I'm feeling homesick for my hometown and my family and friends. It's severe homesickness and I know it...

I have relatives who are sick with cancer and I worry about them. I miss my grandparents and for some reason this year is feeling harder than it has for quite some time. I find moments in the day when I burst into tears from being sentimental and just feeling drained and exhausted and so far from everything I've ever known. I miss getting to hang out with my best friends anytime I wanted...Now it's a rare occasion if we actually get to SEE each other when I'm up for a visit.

I'm like Frosty....I just get all wishy-washy....LOL

Tonight when I hit 50K and submitted my word count, I burst into tears that I made it when I had thought it wasn't going to happen. Now I can work on it without so much distraction and stress. Other than filling out Christmas cards and getting them mailed, everything else is just about done, so I'm hoping things really settle down and I can concentrate on the storyline and finish this baby and put it to bed.

Have a great evening! Here's to NaNo '09!

Shake your NaNo-maker....

I did the 10K Boogie yesterday afternoon. I hit the 10K mark 3 days ahead of schedule and by bedtime I had 10,353. Well, truth is, I don't write "just" up to the daily word count goal. But it's nice when I glance over at my NaNo calendar on the desk next to me and see I'm head of what would be necessary to hit the 50K mark by the 30th.

And I've still been doing this through the haze of sinus headaches and pressure and a nose that has declared itself a drippy faucet. LOL

I've not been doing the Gazelle, thanks in part to the drippy faucet, but I'm actually thinking today of getting on there anyway. A little bit of exertion and exercise might be the thing I need to sweat the illness out. Who knows?

We're just a few weekends away from our trip to Pigeon Forge, too and I need to get in touch with my MIL and find out if there's a website I can go to and get the driving directions we'll need since we haven't ever been with them down there and we'll have to leave out separately from them because we have to wait that Friday till hubby gets home from work and kids get in from school. I'd also like to see if there's a website for the place we'll be staying, just to familiarize myself with it a little. Boy, I hope I'm feeling better by then!

The following week I've got to make the mac and cheese and a Pig Lickin' cake to take up to my family's for Thanksgiving. This month is already getting away from me and it's barely started.

As for NaNo- The story is coming right along- 20% of the way to winning NaNo and I'm 12% of the way to my tentative word count total. So long as I reach 400 pages, the word count could range from 80-85K for all it's worth. I can't say that what I'm writing is exceptional or even the best I've ever written cause I don't think it is. I think it's truly the bare bones of this story.

But, I feel like my hero and heroine are growing with each new page and scene, and that's good, because the better their personality come out, the better I can actually write them. The rest will come out in the wash.

It feels really good to be writing again, that's for sure. I have REALLY missed the freedom I feel when I throw myself completely into a story and can bring my characters more and more to life.

Well, I better go- time's a wastin'!

Have a great day!

1st Day of NaNoWriMo

It started off typical, of course. I would swear that the past several years I've done NaNo have always started similarly. I was absolutely FINE on Saturday and felt great. Had fun dressing up for Halloween and whatnot, but when I woke up Sunday morning, I was SICK AS A DOG! It's like my body KNOWS it's NaNo time and wants to throw an extra monkey wrench into my plans.

I had an itchy sore throat and a stuffed up head. I felt miserable and couldn't concentrate at all. I spent the better part of the morning taking care of things around the house that I knew weren't going to do themselves (and no one else would lift a finger to do them either)- emptied the litterbox and bathroom trash, the kitchen trash (which hubby did take out to the trash can for me)- started all the laundry that needed doing and put up more that I had folded but set aside. I changed the bedsheets and did the dishes and made overnight coleslaw, but by lunch time, I was feeling far worse than I had when I got up.

I did sit down here and try to write, but the story refused to get going...I couldn't get past "Chapter One." I ate tomato soup and a grilled cheese and ham and still sat here, hoping inspiration would strike.

Instead I found myself dozing off and my head getting heavier and heavier until I finally gave it up and lay down in the bed and slept restlessly for several hours. I took a couple of those NyQuil pills for cold and flu, but that seemed to make me feel worse.

I got up around 4 pm to find hubby mixing up a bag of chocolate chip cookies and insisting that he could fix the kids a sandwich instead of me having to cook. I still heated up chicken noodle soup for myself and ate that. Felt a little better, so I gave my daughter her bath and decided that perhaps I could get something from reading the last few chapters of my previous novel, which is connected- the heroes are brothers from one story to another.

Well, it must have helped some because at 7:30, after the kids were put to bed, I started chapter one and nearly had it finished by 9 when hubby and I go to bed. I made my minimum goal for the day. As most NaNo'ers know, you need to write at least 1,667 words a day in order to hit 50K by the 30th. Of course, if you get on a role, you can get ahead some, but I did get 1,684 written last night and that was good enough for a sick woman. LOL

This morning, I'm back at it, hoping to keep my nose to the grindstone since my total goal isn't just 50K but to finish the novel will at least 81K OR around 400 pages. So there you go. I'm already up to 2,140 words this morning so I'm moving along.

Best of luck to everyone else participating!