Thursday, July 8, 2010

Where DOES the Mojo Go?

When it doesn't feel like you have "it" anymore, where does it go?

Does it disappear? Do we "lose" it?

Or does it simply vacation on us from time to time, hiding when Life overshadows it?

Mojo is different for everyone, but we all have something that drives us—something that, just like anything worth having, is worth searching for. Especially during those times when we feel the most lost- it's then we should seek it and draw from it or we might never understand our full potential or what we're truly capable of.

In the past year or so, I've not followed that advice—at all—I honestly hadn't been thinking about it that way.
So many times, Life sets our Mojo on the back burner or up on a shelf- one of those items that when we get so caught up in our lives, we sometimes forget where we placed it, even though it's essential to who we are to a great extent.

Well, my Mojo has been on vacation for a long time (too long) and I'm trying hard to find it again. This year I declared it felt like my year for change and so far, I've done nothing to prove to myself that it is. I swing back and forth between courage and fear—swing like a pendulum do—

And it's not just my Mojo who's gone missing. My inner butterfly has wrapped herself up in her wings and forgotten how to fly. Strong, brave and beautiful enough to soar toward her dreams, she is also fragile enough to fall and doubt herself more times than I care to count.

But there's a light at the end of this tunnel. I look for signs in all things around me and last week, during a yard sale we had while I was up visiting my family, there it was~ a sign—
Never in my life have I been able to photograph a butterfly SO close up, but this one seemed drawn to me and kept lighting on the quince bush near where I was sitting on the swing with my sister. I don't know what kind it is- the outer wings that you can see were a brown/gray with orange spots, but I was unable to get it to sit still long enough to capture the backside when it's wings were spread wide- the upper wings were still dark brown/gray, but the lower set had metallic blue. I've researched online this morning and the closest I've come to identifying it is as a pipevine swallowtail, though this one doesn't have the extra "tips" on its tails and it has a lot more orange spots than most I've found images of.

Either which way, it's a butterfly with metallic blue on it's wings (which is personally significant to me) and well, it kept coming back around and when I got too close it would fly toward me and then flutter away, as though it were playing a game of chase with me when I tried to take more pictures of it. Needless to say, it meant something. I'm not sure WHAT yet, but I'm looking forward to finding out.

Here's to finding my Mojo and to drawing my butterfly out of her hiding place, too. Happy Thursday!

5 comments:

Devon Matthews said...

Taryn, I'm so glad to see you post something. You're going through a spell (at least, that's what I call it) but I strongly believe it will pass and you'll get your mojo back. You have a writer's soul, and nothing else will do. I haven't been online much lately because I've been writing on my laptop which isn't online--by choice. (I disabled the wireless) But in doing so, I've drifted away from everyone, but I'm going to make an effort to get on the desktop every day and check in. Gosh, it's lonesome without you guys. :o)

Taryn Raye said...

Thanks Devon. I hope you're right cause this "spell" has taken on a life of its own (school being out has NOT helped at all LOL)

I'm on my laptop, online out of necessity (our desktop is sick), but can unplug at any given moment when I need to. (I need to unplug more often and put my head in a manuscript file instead of playing online..LOL)

I miss talking with you, too. It's so quiet anymore on the loop- sometimes it feels like I'm wading around out here alone.

Purple Cow said...

I miss your mojo too. Hope to see more posts. Take care of yourself!

Amy Durham said...

Sounds like you and I have been on the same train lately. My writing-self took a leave of absence earlier this year. I decided recently I was tired of that, and FORCED myself to get back into it. Only took a day or two, and the writing juices started flowing again. It will be the same for you, I'm sure!

Devon is right... these spells happen, and they pass. The writer in you will make sure of it!!

Happy writing!!

Inspector Clouseau said...

Nice work. I came across your blog while “blog surfing” using the “Next Blog” button in the Nav Bar at the top of my blogspot blog. I occasionally just check out other blogs to see what others are doing.