#Writerly Wednesday- Looking at Handsome Men Gives Me a Headache

My Hero is No Grisly Adams

As I endeavor to find stock images and figure up what I'd need for cover art images that I like or think might suit my purposes, I find that staring at handsome men can give one a headache. There, I said it. It's not so much the men, as the hours of eyestrain spent staring at the computer screen, but still....It's a time intensive search that reminds me why I normally write instead of work with computer graphics and it gives me a deep respect for all those cover artists who do spend many more hours than I have, scouring images across the net to make the perfect book cover for us writers.

I'm also reminded that terms like "sexy" and "handsome" are very subjective. I looked up "sexy cowboy" on one site and it came back with more pictures of women than men. What images of male cowboys I did find were sparse, older than I needed, or much too young, and one guy looked too much like Ricky Martin. Love you Ricky, but totally NOT the image I have in mind for a heterosexual hero who's supposed to favor Tim McGraw with a mustache and cowboy hat.

I have also seen, guys who look no more mature than 15, some "handsome" men are images of little boys in suits, like the ring bearer at a wedding. Some are much much older men- not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's not what I'm looking for. One guy looks like Michael T. Weiss who once played Mike on Days of Our Lives when I was a kid and was later the lead on The Pretender. Unfortunately none of my heroes favor him. I saw one guy who looked a LOT like Liam Helmsworth- Chris (a.k.a. Thor) Helmsworth's brother. Another sort of reminded me of Chris Evans, a.k.a. Captain America. Some reminded me of ex-boyfriends, so I have no inclination to use them AT ALL.

Mind you, there are some good looking guys on these stock photo sites, but not all fit the "image" I want and some just don't plain work for me at all. Maybe it's because I originally modeled my characters after actors and actresses, I'm making it harder on myself to pin down "new" images of them, but I have found a few female model images that do fit my leading ladies. The guys are a little harder to fit the mold I'm looking for.

I told my husband that I need one who favors Matthew McConaughey, but you can't search Mr. McConaughey-hey-hey because photos of him actually come up, so I can't even do a "look-alike" search. Later I pointed out a picture of this guy to my husband and said, "See what I mean? Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder."

He laughed and said, "Well, that guy looks a little bit like McConaughey." I scoffed, staring at this pale scrawny guy with a bright orange curly 'fro and said, "No, this guy looks like Carrot Top, before he buffed up." (and I'm still not sure which is scarier.)

It also became increasingly, painfully apparent that husbands don't understand romance novels or their covers, when I grumbled that the guys who could fit my characters had too much facial hair and vice versa. The majority of my heroes don't sport facial hair at all and it's really rare in the business to see heroes on romance novel covers who have facial hair, which led to this discussion between myself and my husband—

"I don't want guys with a lot of facial hair."

Hubby, who has a mustache and goatee asks me, as though he's been offended, "What's wrong with facial hair?"

I said, "Nothing necessarily, it wasn't anything against you or to make you feel inferior, but most book covers don't have men with facial hair."

He asked why, so I told him, "I don't know. Guess most women just don't want a lot of facial hair on their heroes, at least on the cover of romance novels. Maybe a mustache or a 5 o'clock shadow or a pencil line beard, but nothing like those guys on Duck Dynasty."

That elicited a good laugh.

Yeah, hubby's my hero, but in my fictional world- my hero is no Grisly Adams.

Time Flies...We Haven't Killed Each Other Yet... #Marriage #Love #Anniversary

"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.”
Katherine Hepburn

Eleven years ago my husband and I met via one of those online dating sites in April 2001. Family and friends worried about me meeting some stranger who lived so far away from my hometown. We continued talking and chatting and by Labor Day weekend that year I had moved in, but it wasn't until June 7, 2002 that we said I do- Today marks our 10th anniversary and I'm utterly astounded to realize it's been that long. A decade had come and gone and boy, did it go by quickly.

Moreover, I'm not going to lie- I'm shocked and amazed we've lasted this long. Marriage is such a disposable commodity in this day and age and I used to think it was crazy just how often people I knew married and then divorced not long afterward. What was wrong with them? Marriage wasn't something to be taken lightly, or at least I didn't think so because I grew up believing that marriage is truly till death do you part. Divorce was not something common in my family history- My parents are still together, my grandparents on either side of my family had never been divorced- they truly were "till death do us part."

Of course, ten years of marriage has taught me a bit about why some marriages last and others don't and it has changed my views on it. Sometimes it might be better to go your separate ways, but you should still work at it first to be sure. One thing I know is that it's not always easy and we had our share of struggles(sometimes still do when we don't agree on things) because it's hard to take two individuals and blend their lives into one. Even something as great as a chocolate and vanilla swirl cone takes work- the mechanics (of the machine) have work together properly to get that swirly blend of heavenly soft-serve perfection. And so it is with marriage...even with warnings from family and friends that "marriage takes a lot of work" and "you don't know EVERYTHING there is to know about this person" it doesn't sink in until later. Much later...

Because it's later when you realize you've married someone with odd quirks and idiosyncrasies that you never noticed before in the initial first stages of the relationship, when the strange things they do are "cute" or "funny." Soon you realize that you're married to someone who sometimes isn't pleasant, who can be downright annoying and irritating or just plain get under your skin until you want to pull out your hair- or theirs.

No matter how romantic they were in the beginning- dedicating songs like "Amazed" by Lonestar to you, you start to find you're "amazed" you haven't suffocated them with their pillow in their sleep because they snore like a freight train rambling through the bedroom at all hours of the night. And it doesn't affect them- but by sun-up, you look a little worse for wear and you become the grumpy one to live with, gritting your teeth as they smile after a good night's sleep and ask you what's the matter.

I know I'm no great shakes when it comes to living with me. I can be extremely irritable when the old hormones kick in and out, which seems anymore to sputter through my system without fair warning as I get older. My husband can attest to the fact that I can be unpleasant (and so can the kids).

There was a time we were "lost" in our marriage though and I was ready to give up- just as I had seen others do before. It's hard to blend together as a husband and wife but even harder to keep your identity when you become part of a whole. That's the thing they don't tell you about marriage- that it's okay to still be YOU, even though you now share your life with someone else who's just as different and individual. I struggled with whether I was losing my identity and that took it's toll because I didn't know where I stood or whether I wanted to be standing there or not.

It took time, but we worked through the problems, which is simply what you have to do. I guess that's part of the surprise that we've made it ten years- Not all couples survive this first decade- some give up, some give it all they have and still find it's just not enough, but then there are the lucky ones who take each other, faults and all, and find a way to piece it together so that the threads mesh together and they can continue onward.

The stories of love I write are the precursors to this mythological creature we chase- the antiquated idea that marriage lasts a lifetime- or a relationship can do that. I still subscribe to the belief that marriages can be built to last and that's why I love writing romantic tales because I believe there is a happily-ever-after on the other side of "The End" whether it lasts 10 years or several decades.

Happy 10 Years Hubby! Let's tack another 10 onto this one.