#ThursdayswithTaryn~ Age & Perception of Ourselves

morguefile (mcandea)

The other morning before my kids left for school, I was telling Girly Girl to scoot out of my way so I could get past her and I started singing ♫I like to move it, move it...♫

Little Man chimed in and then commented that it reminded him of Madagascar and King Julien. Well, yeah, it would because he wasn't old enough to remember when that was actually a pretty popular dance mix from Reel 2 Reel that I heard in the club. I even have a cassette around here of Dance Mix music from 1994, I believe that has the original version on it. That was way before he was born!

I told the kids (9 & 13) that I used to hear it at the club. Little Man looked at me like I was speaking Greek.

"A what?"

I said, "A dance club. I used to go with one of my best friends all the time."

Girly Girl said, "yeah, but I bet you didn't dance."

I said "Of course I did. I used to shake my rump."

This elicited all kinds of giggles and laughter momentarily because even I have to admit, rump is a giggle worthy word.

When they finally stopped laughing, I told them, "I'm not joking...you know I wasn't always the frumpy housewife and stodgy mom you all know. I was young and fun once."

Wow...talk about a revelation in my perception of myself.

I mean, I've always thought I was a pretty "hip" mom and you all know I'm the bomb-diggety, but when I find myself having to explain things to my kids like that, it really gives me a bone to chew on. I don't like the taste of it- makes me feel old and stale.

I don't think about it a lot, but the view I had of myself at 10, 20, 30 and all those ages in between and beyond represent varying degrees of my perception of myself and I'd say its like that for all of us.

My sister sent me a letter and included this list of character traits that she found online, wherein it says that characters and real people, have unique qualities called traits. It's the short-list of attributes people can have and used for examples for helping write book reports and essays. She told me what she thought were hers and what she sees in me, then asked me to look through it and pick the ones I feel most sound like me from my POV. Her point was that we are the sum of all our parts.

Here are a few she thought fit me~

• fun-loving
• imaginative
• daring
• considerate
• smart
• loyal

It's also funny to see someone else's perspective of ourselves. I don't imagine myself as daring by any means. In fact, I often feel timid and unsure of myself and my decisions, even at my age. I believe I am the other things she picked, but I'm also

• plain
• messy
• dreamer
• short
•  reserved

(and a few other things)

Last night as I was trying to go to sleep and I kept thinking about it and it reminded me of my 8th grade yearbook. Yeah...at 15 other people's perceptions held a lot of weight and the words sweet and nice were the kiss of death for me. That and the reiterations of "don't change," "Stay the same." I was there in the middle between childhood and womanhood and I wanted to change.

I didn't want to stay the same sweet, nice girl. I wanted to be the sophisticated, beautiful woman who drew the right kind of attention from across a crowded room. I wanted to be the heroine in my own romance story and I would have given my left eyetooth to be told I was cool or cute or beautiful~ anything other than sweet or nice.

I saw myself differently, or I wanted to see myself differently— a sophisticated, beautiful, sexy grown woman. I wanted people to see me as a wild child, and not the goody-two shoes I was known to be, but I guess that wasn't built into my genetic material. If I've ever been the bad girl, the wild child, I hit my peak in my early 20s and it's been downhill since then.

Ironic then that my sister believes me to be DARING in my life NOW.

She couldn't know that about me, or could she?

Which leads me to a few questions~

What words would you use to describe yourself? Which ones would others use to describe you? Are there parallels? Do you find that some people know you better than even you know yourself?

Please feel free to come share with me today!

Memory Lane Monday- Birthdays

My birthday will arrive before I do another Memory Lane Monday, so I think today I'll reminisce a bit about the birthdays I had growing up. I never had birthday parties with friends- well, not the kind my parents planned, though in my teens I did things with friends, but when I was much younger I do remember my grandmother (my mom's mom) always made sure to get me a store bought cake from the grocery. The ones with the shortening frosting and rose buds and fancy piping and the little plastic "Happy Birthday" sign in cursive.

She always tried to make sure she got a "black & blue" cake. For some reason, I deemed chocolate worthy of that distinction, even with the mixed vanilla and chocolate creme sandwich cookies that were always in the cookie jar at my grandparents' house- you know the ones, the grocery store versions that were sort of like Oreos.
I honestly don't know where I got the idea, but it would seem that "Black & Blue" have been following me for the better part of my life and ironically, I realize now that the majority of my color scheme for this blog, my website, my Twitter profile, my tattoos, are in shades of black and blue as well. Perhaps that is significant in a way I cannot comprehend, but I digress...

What do I remember about birthdays, most vividly? Whether my parents bought me a cake or my mom baked one- almost always chocolate, if my birthday were on a school morning, my mom would get me up and make me blow out the candles and make a wish before I got on the bus. And I got to eat CAKE for breakfast. (*Flash* to Bill Cosby's "Dad is great, he let us have chocolate cake!)

I remember sharing my "birthday" with my sister, and vice versa—being it was just us two girls, she would get a small gift on my birthday and I would get one on hers in July.

At my grandparents, someone generally gave me birthday spankings, with "one to grow on." I remember the year my parents got me Olivia Newton-John's Greatest Hits Volume 2- I WORE that record out. It skips so bad, especially on the last song- Xanadu. I so wanted to be Olivia when I grew up. LOL I remember my grandparents on my dad's side getting me Sleeping Beauty on Disney VHS and we watched it together and I was SHOCKED beyond measure when Maleficent cursed.

When I was 14 or 15 my grandma on my dad's side presented me with a beautifully bound collection of classic novels, Alice in Wonderland, Little Men, Robinson Crusoe, to name a few, but I believe it was a 10-12 book collection (and perhaps I'll touch back on this set of books in a later blog). I believe that was also the same year she presented me with these two beautiful iridescent cat figures.


Also for my 15th birthday, my parents got me a book of poems called To My Daughter with Love on the Important Things in Life by Susan Polis Schutz. My parents wrote a little something inside the book to me and I intend to follow below them, with a note to my daughter and give her that same book on her 15th birthday.

That was also the same year that my father gave me an autographed copy of In Country by Bobbie Ann Mason as a late Christmas present when the construction company he works for built her house. (More on that in a later blog as well.)

I'm sure every birthday has some significance- something more than just aging another year. Each are special in their own way and each either teach us something new about ourselves as we grow, or they gift us with treasures of the heart.

What do you remember about birthdays you've had?
Are there any that stick out more than others, or that hold a special place in your heart?
Please share!